I am only a small amount of evil

Starting Over

2012-01-20T21:36:00.001-08:00

I've been trying to write this post for so long. It's hard to put into words the things I have been feeling and going through the past few months.

Those of you that know me on a more personal level know that Paul left me in October. It was a normal night 2 days before Halloween. He hadn't planned on telling me he was leaving. We were getting ready for bed. I imagine had I not brought up the subject as to why he was being so resistant to buying a new house, he would have just packed up all his shit and been gone one day.
He finally told me the same old story. About how unhappy he had been for so long...that he thought he could do better...that he didn't want to even try.

I kind of slipped into another place. I was sobbing, but without tears. I felt strangely calm. I packed a suitcase and left that night. I haven't seen or spoken to him since.
The next week was a downward spiral. It took 5 more before I finally had a morning where I woke up and was glad to not be dead.
I loved him. With everything that I had in me. For 12 years he was my first and last thought every day. He was my best friend.
I always knew that I loved him more than he loved me. I was willing to accept that though. It was a small price to pay. And I could always try harder, be better, be happier, not complain and maybe he would love me more.
He cried during our wedding. I remember thinking " I wonder if he's crying because he's happy, or if he's sad that he's stuck with me now"
I never told anyone and it was a terrible thing to feel that way. But I couldn't love him enough for both of us.
The last year was so lonely for me. Things continued on as the always had. He was gone a lot , but he always was. I blamed my loneliness and heartbreak on everything but him and the new crowd of young kids he started hanging out with. Then there were nights where he was too drunk to drive home. He hated the house, hated my job, hated the fact that he couldn't sleep because someone was always keeping him awake...me, the animals, whatever.
I tip toed around him. I was always so quiet. I tried to be happier. I didn't even tell him about the new anti depressant the dr had put me on the week before.
The only thing I had ever been afraid of was losing him. I was sure I would die. The thought of all the days and years spiraling together into forever without him just paralyzed me. And I did almost die.
One night I was listening to wandering stars by portishead. It had been in my head for weeks. I read the lyrics for the first time..."the time that I will suffer less is when I never have to wake"
I cried for what seemed like hours. But that was the moment that it all became real to me. That I realized I could and had survived the one thing I was sure I couldn't live through. Nothing scared me anymore. Not even starting over.

An update and shit

2011-12-15T03:48:00.001-08:00

Drunk and listening to wandering stars by portishead on repeat.
You guys know what's up...thanks for keeping me from dying.

-- Post From My iPhone

Halloween and Hoarding

2011-09-04T13:56:00.001-07:00

I'm obsessed with all things creepy. This is my favorite time of year when I can start buying all that gruesome crap that I decorate my living room with. I limit myself to one piece a year or Paul would kill me while I'm sleeping for sure!
This is what I bought last year

What will this years purchase be? Who can say.
I can tell you that I'm in love with the zombie tonic hand sanitized from bath and body works. I saved that shit like it was the great depression last year. And it's marshmallow flavored.
So yesterday I bought 10 so I wouldn't run out

I figure you can't have too much hand sanitizer in my line of work. The eyeball ones are bubblegum flavored!
I will probably go back and buy more which I will stack in my office with unworn shoes and boxes of cat sand.

-- Post From My iPhone

Well hello there!

2011-08-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

So I've got a bunch of new followers! I think it's really swell and I'm glad you're here!
I probably won't ever post anything here about eyeshadow though. I hope you're not too terribly disappointed.
Mostly, when I have time. I use this to blab about
my real life. Which is actually very boring.

-- Post From My iPhone

Last nights convo

2011-08-09T16:40:00.001-07:00

So I'm usually full of rants when I get home from work.
Last nights was about the effing walnut tree in front of our house, and the evil squirrels and birds that live in it.
Me: my entire car is covered with shit! I can't even see out the back window! I just washed it because it was covered in shit!
Paul: that sucks
Me: and I don't even know if it's bird shit or squirrel shit. How do you tell the difference?
Paul: squirrel shit is saltier

-- Post From My iPhone

Lunch

2011-06-19T08:46:00.000-07:00

My work is less than 5 minutes from my parents house. I usually go there to eat ( read my parents cook for me) when I take my lunch break.
This week my mom is nannying overnight leaving me and my dad to our own devices. I've been eating fast food mostly and feeling sorry for myself.
So tonight I left work to go through the drive thru at carls jr. There's been a handwritten sign on the speaker for months that says " sensor broken. Say HI"
I don't know why it fills me with so much performance anxiety, but it does. I never say hi first.

For some reason ( probably the same thing that makes me take a jacket whenever I leave the house. Thanks mom!) I always get my wallet out before I order. Tonight, I had no wallet. I dumped my purse looking for it. It's not easy to miss, it's huge and green and has a panda in a hockey mask holding a bloody chainsaw. But it wasn't there. And then I remembered. I had taken my wallet out to order some shipping supplies...I must have left it at home!
Funny how the fact that I was driving around without my license didn't occur to me until just now! Ooops! I guess my priorities are a bit wacked!

Thankfully, I hadn't ordered yet, thanks to the stupid "say HI " sign. I was having visions of wearing a hair net like pee wee and washing dishes to pay off my tuna melt and chocolate shake.

But I still had to wait behind the other cars in order to get out. And they're slow as shit there, for reals. I had already wasted 8 minutes of my 30 minute break when I called my dad.
me: dad! Do you have anything to eat?! I'm at the drive thru and I forgot my wallet?!
Dad:sure. Do you need some money?
Me: no I just need to eat something before I go back to work

Otherwise it might be face stabbing time.

Dad: sure come on over

So my dad gave me the hot dogs he was planning on eating and kept trying to offer me other stuff to eat including my moms gluten free meatloaf.

Me: no this is fine
Dad: do you need some money?
Me: no. I'm just going home after work. I'll be fine.
Dad: what if you want to get a soda out of the machine?
Me: I have change. Just no real money.
Dad: well do you need some money?
Me: no dad. It's fine.
Dad: do you have gas?
Me: yes dad, I got some night before last. I'll be fine.

So I made it back to work on time. Got home without any issues. I was going to go to Safeway for Paul as it's lazy bear weekend here, but he was on his own.

Did I mention my dad has a sweet handlebar mustache?

-- Post From My iPhone

Day Three part One

2011-05-15T22:41:00.000-07:00

Well Weed is a town that has souvenirs. So if you want a t shirt that says " I <3 weed", this is the place to be. Not much else though, and definitely no starbucks. Finally convinced Paul to try the Via (instant starbucks) which I drink almost exclusively. He was very reluctant and remained his pre starbucks surly self. We went back to the hi lo coffee shop for breakfast. I had the Shasta mountain,which was a gigantic pancake, then a medium pancake, then a small pancake with a stack of scrambled eggs on top. Paul had chili, which he didn't eat and just pushed around with his spoon like a bratty little kid. We had ruled out Portland as a destination, due to it being so far away. I kind of wanted a few days at home to relax before having to return to work and normal life. So the new plan was spending the night in Reno. on the way, there was a state park with lava beds and lava tubes that seemed worth checking out. I really don't enjoy the outdoors. I mean really. We had been to the volcano park in Hawaii and I thought that was pretty awesome. So I figured that it was something outdoorsy that I could at least tolerate. When we got there, the first thing we saw was a bunch of frontiers people camping.

Kind of weird, but whatever.
The park ranger gave us a map, took our $10 and grilled us about the possibility of our being carriers of white nose disease. Apparently some sort of bat affliction. She recommended skull cave and said we should stop by the gift shop to get flashlights, watch a video, etc.
Paul stopped to pee. I never have to go, so I was reading the map she gave us. It said that flashlights were free loaners at the visitors center and that helmets were recommended inside the caves. I figured it would be a good idea to get a helmet seems how in reality I should walk around with one on full time with the amount of spills I take.
We drove the 8 miles to the visitor center. Paul kept jumping out of the car to take pictures of random rocks and shit.
It was mostly just piles of black rocks.
We passed the turn off for skull cave. Paul wanted to go back, but I was like "no! We have to go to the visitors center first!"
We got there, did a loop around the parking lot and started to head back out.
" no! I want to go inside!!!"
He was totally annoyed with me, still fiending for starbucks.
"why"
"because the lady said we had to!"
" she said we could watch a video, IF we wanted!"
"but we need flashlights!"
For some reason I didn't want to bring up the helmet thing.
" I have flashlights"
"well, I want to go in"
He was totally pissed. But relented.
I made a beeline for the helmets. No pink ones or ones with lights attached. WTF.
They did have these though.

In case you can't read the fine print. These are bags that you poop in and then carry around with you until you find a trash can.

I picked out a white helmet and went up front to pay. Paul had been wandering around with his hands in his pockets to keep from strangling me.
He asked about the borrowed flashlights and cheered up considerably when the ranger told him they were free to borrow. They even gave us two! Then she guilted him into buying a helmet too, saying people come in all the time with their heads all bloody from bashing into low rocks in the dark.
"well, I do hit my head alot" be said.

He seemed less grumpy as we got in the car to head back to skull cave (so called because of the various animal and two Human skeletons found there)
I wanted to put my helmet on right away. I was that excited about it, but he insisted that I wait until we got there.
We pulled up to a tiny parking lot at the end of skull cave road. Paul wandered around and found the entrance while I modeled my helmet.

"is it all the way on your head? You have to have it adjusted right!"
"yes" I sighed

Still angry and starbucks withdrawing.
Walked down some steep ass steps to the cave entrance. Luckily there was a handrail that I kept a deathgrip on to keep from tumbling head first into the jagged rocks below. Although my helmet totally ruled, there was no chin strap. That thing would go rolling for sure if I ate shit like I normally do.
The mouth of the cave was massive and a little spooky.
It was dead silent.

Inside was even quieter with only occasional water drops falling. It was super cold and the bottom of this cave had an ice floor that you could walk down and
see. We were whispering because I insisted that we were supposed to. I don't know why. It just seemed like the thing to do. We were about this far in

When we heard the unmistakable cackling of a gaggle of middle aged broads approaching.
( I myself am technically a middle aged broad, but I never cackle!)
We hugged the wall and pretended to be looking for bats. None of those bitches were wearing helmets!
I turned around to shrink even further away from them and hit my head on a rock...helmet! Yay!

We kept walking and it got colder and darker. You could see your breath with the flashlights. I found something weird on the wall that looked like fossilized skulls. My picture of it didn't turn out, but of course pauls did! He kept making me stop for pictures and blinding me with his flash.

Check out the orb! It totally was haunted.
Eventually the old ladies came wheezing past us, bitching and moaning about having to walk back up the stairs.
We waited til they were well past us, before we took the last sets of stairs to the cave floor.
It was getting even colder and we paused a lot to look at all the creepy coolness around us. At the bottom of the steps was a chain link fence and gate which prevented people from walking onto the ice.
It was covered with dirt, but there were still small sections that the ice showed through.
I thought I heard something moving above me, but I ignored it so as not to go inti full blown freak the eff out mode. I tried to not think about every scary cave movie I had ever seem.
I even made Paul turn off his flashlight so we could see what the total darkness felt like.
It was a whole different kind of darkness. Then I started to really get freaked out. We made our way back up the stairs slowly.
Uphill, the mouth of the cave finally. The light was so bright and blinding it was unreal.
We were both super excited and wound up like we just won a marathon.
It was even enough to break Paul out if his starbucks funk.

Went back to the visitors center to drop off the flashlights. Paul made endless small talk with the ranger ladies (omg he's so effing charming!)
And I took the opportunity to snag a poop bag for him. He was really excited about it.
Made another Via with the rangers hot water.
Headed towards Reno.

-- Post From My iPhone

Day two

2011-05-15T06:15:00.000-07:00

Started with starbucks. While there, I couldn't help over hearing an extremely loud talker on what appeared to be a job interview.
"well , I thought being a supervisor would be great, until I was one"
I guess that's honest. I feel the same way, but I'm not so sure I would broadcast it at a loud volume in a crowded coffee shop.
I stopped to check her out before we left. Typical Hipster. And then I noticed she was wearing Legwarmers ( really just knee socks with the feet cut off) and flip flops. Paul totally didn't get it when I was trying to explain what a fashion disaster it was.
Outside , we were mumbled at by a hobo wearing a wedding ring.
We headed towards Weed.
Hadn't been in the car long before I started screaming and pointing.
"Samsquantch!"
Paul slammed on the brakes and did a u turn in the middle of the street.
Sure enough it was THE bigfoot museum.

Also the museum of willow creek, complete with used chamber pots and other frontier life necessities.
The big foot part of the museum was mostly plaster casts of footprints and some sweet local art.

I bought some postcards and a bigfoot head magnet seems how the crap I bought from the drive through tree souvenir shop "mysteriously" went missing. I'm pretty sure Paul threw it out with his obsessive car cleaning.
Drove through the Hoopa Indian reservation where we bought cheap cigarettes and went to the jenkiest casino ever. The wheels on the inside of the slot machines were scotch taped and they made a horrible clunking sound as they spun around.

"these machines are just effed up enough that we might win"
But we didn't.
The gps instructed us to take cecilville rd to highway 5 to get to weed. The estimated time of arrival seemed way off for the mileage, but Paul shrugged it off. As a passenger I mostly keep my mouth shut fir fear he brings up me being the co pilot in his grand dream of rally racing.
So the road is getting pretty narrow. I look up to see a rock wall on my side and a pretty steep ass drop on Pauls side. No guard rails, just some white posts that were sporadic and had seen better days. Paul slowed down to 15 miles an hour. There was barely enough room for one car on the road.
"do you want to turn around?" he asked
"I dont think we can"
I was envisioning all those scenes in movies where one tire goes over the cliff.
So we kept going forward. Very slowly.
If anyone else would have been driving, I would have Peaced out and gotten out to walk to wherever the eff this road ended up. But he's a really good driver so I just shut my mouth and twisted my hands in my lap alot.
There's really no way a picture can do thus road justice.

But it might give you a general idea how effing terrifying it was.
Every so often, the road would flatten out and we'd be in a little meadow

This was Forks of Salmon. There was a a school, some houses you wouldn't want to ask directions at and this tiny really creepy cemetery.

Back on the road from hell that would never end.
It took us 4 hours to get 75 miles.
I really thought we were going to die is some dramatically horrible rolling off a cliff way. We stopped briefly so Paul could take some crazy off the cliff photos. With my lack of grace, I hung back by the road.

Finally got to Weed and stayed at a super tacky hotel where the counter guy started grilling Paul about what he shaved with. Then directed him to a gigantic stack of boxes where he had a huge stash of disposable razors.
"only one per customer!" he yelled. Then gave me a weird gift bag with axe body spray and some craisens.
"I wonder what truck those fell off of" pUl muttered as we were leaving.
Our room had a really key for the door and an annoying cat and a shopping cart out the window on the hillside.
The tv was so old, that I doubt anyone under 25 could have turned it on. And the fridge was packed with forgotten bud light.
We went across the street to the hi lo coffee shop for dinner. I had chicken fried steak and paul had biscuits and gravy with a side of mashed potatoes.
Got some peach cobbler and a fresh squeezed orange juice to take back to the room.
Watched the new Nightmare on elm street. Glad to not be dead.

-- Post From My iPhone

Day one part three

2011-05-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

Paul was completely wound up about some tree you could drive through and something else with no description called confusion hill.
It took us another few hours to get there. I had no service and couldn't find them, but luckily there were huge signs directing us to the drive through tree. He almost crashed the car in his haste to get to it. Luckily, they were open until 8 or I think Paul would have lost it. The helpfully gate attendant traded man banter with Paul while he took our 5 bucks. He mentioned that we could drive through the tree as MANY times as we wanted before 8 o'clock. And also there was a gift shop. Nice.
Paul was freaking out as we approached the tree.

Then he made me get out of the car and stand at the other end so I could take pictures of him driving through it.

He just barely cleared it. He was like a giddy school girl.
Went into the gift shop which was jam packed with things made of Burl and assorted tackiness. I bought a few postcards and a sweet ass magnet for our fridge.
Paul tried to get the ancient ill tempered woman working there to tell us about confusion hill. She said it was closed ( for the night or forever I'm not sure) and denied ever being there although she had lived in that town her whole life.
Paul was determined to find it anyway. I made him drive through the tree again before we left seems how I had missed it the first time. I tried to get him to drive through backwards and he flat out refused.

So we kept driving looking for confusion hill, still unsure of what it actually was.
Stopped to take pictures of a treehouse

I was pretty sick of trees and things made from trees and into trees. Eff.
Confusion hill was just around the bend and it was indeed closed. Drove through the parking lot.

I still have no idea what it is, but there was lots of weird shit out front.

Another house made out of a tree. This tine in shoe form.

I hate pandas!

The giant pointy finger was kinda cool.

Across the street was a very creepy motel/ cabin/campground. There were dogs and chickens wandering through the front office. I wanted to stay there, but Paul insisted we could make it to eureka. It was only a few hours away. I was starting to get grumpy/hungry.

Made it to eureka and I was too tired to push for a creepy hotel. Stated at the super 8 which is creepy in it's own way when you check in at 11 pm. There was unlimited hot water though.
-- Post From My iPhone

Day one part two

2011-05-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

So as I was saying, after the hooker rock, I dragged him into a store that was a combo costume shop/stripper outlet/ Porno store. I bought some hair ties with syringes on them.
After that, Paul wanted to go see some gas station made from 3 trees.

Totally boring.
I had convinced Paul that there was an actual fort in Fort Bragg. I even told him about the field trip they took us on in elementary school. So we set that as our new destination.
On the way we stopped at a skivey rest area where I took one step out of the car and fell on my ass. Luckily my bad arm kept me from doing a full face plant. I just kind of laid on the ground laughing. Some white trash lady smoking outside her rv was giving me hard looks.
Paul is so used to my inherent clumsiness, that there was only a brief flash of annoyance across his face before he helped me up.
Back on the road. Made it Fort Bragg. Drove along the coastline searching for the actual fort. Stopped to consult the map at a potential murder site.

Realized it was fort Ross that I had been to as a kid, not fort Bragg. Oops. Passed 3 creepy psycho beachside hotels that I wanted to stay at. All had hot tubs. Paul deemed them " not creepy enough" so we decided to visit the tattoo museum while we were I'm town. This was still boring to me, but mostly because I had seem a two headed devil baby in a store window as we were walking and I became obsessed with getting it.
(he wants me to mention that there was a huge anatomically correct charcoal drawing of a naked lady in another window)
" I want the two headed baby!". I hissed.
Paul was busy analyzing the antique tattoo machines and marveling over the fact that the technology hadn't changed since the 20s. He's kind of an electronics nerd.
Finally drug him away and to the two headed demon baby store. Bought one from some excessively stoned sales girls.

It's so awesome! Don't be jealous.
So seems how there was no fort to visit our new plan was to hit up starbucks #2 and head to some place called Piercy by nightfall.
We drove down highway one and the coast was really pretty although I'm so not into that sort of thing

Of course I had to get devil baby shots at the beach.

We drove past a sad seaside cemetery with a broken down sign. Right next to a KOA. I made Paul turn around and go back.

We kept driving. Paul hates my hipstamatic app. Hates it! Even tried to talk me into bringing my REAL camera. But somewhere along the way he started to even like it. Then he was nagging me to take pictures of everything.
"look theres a log with a hole in it"
"take a picture of that tsunami warning sign"
And finally
"theres a dead squirrel in the road. Do you want a picture?".
"no, I see enough of those when I'm driving to work and back."
He was quiet for a second.
"maybe I've been watching too much Dual Survival, but I keep thinking we should go back and get it. We could use it's fur, meat, use it for bait, whatever"
Whatever indeed.
And this was all before 5 o'clock.
Post From My iPhone

Day one Thursday

2011-05-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

So wednesday night I was practically dying to get out of work early.
I whined and cried until my boss relented, but not before calling me an "unreliable asshole" for being so woefully unprepared for our vacation. I still had to pack, package up the last of my orders, make an effing bone etc.
I was up until 4:30 anyway.
Paul wanted to get an early start, but he didn't wake up until 10! By the time we left town, it was 1 o'clock.
And so it begins, our first stop: starbucks. I put way too much sugar in mine and only took little sips out of guilt for the next four hours. I also had a breakfast sandwich. Paul had nothing because, as you all already know, he never eats.
We headed north.
My sweet roadside attraction app had alerted me to the fact that there was a plaque commemorating prostitutes in Ukiah. This moved to the top of my "must see" list.
In high school, it was common knowledge that Ukiah was the Satanist capital of the world. I'm not sure how accurate of a fact that is, or what other cities it beat out for the title.
Just so you know.
The app only gave vague directions to the plaque. Only that was between so and so street on a rock in front of a building. We found it right away and it was awesome!

Just spent 2 hours writing all this shit down and it didn't save.
Totally pissed, more later

-- Post From My iPhone

So yeah

2011-05-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

Tons of stuff going on. Lots of new tattoos and barbies and eyeshadow to talk about. But the really important news is that Paul and I are going on a road trip next Thursday. I told him I don't care where we go, as long as we can stay at the creepiest, most likely to be murdered at motels we can find.
Plenty of blogging about the never ending search for starbucks will ensue. Just a fair warning. I'll get to all that other stuff sometime
Hugs!

-- Post From My iPhone

Ghosts and home alone-ing it

2011-02-24T01:42:00.000-08:00

So Paul has been in Florida for a work thing the past few days. Even though I have enormous piles of things to do, I'd rather sit around and bemoan my loneliness.
Last night Clint and I were texting and discussing ghost hunting.
I mentioned that I had noticed earlier when I had let the dogs out to pee, that all the patio furniture had been rearranged.
I know our back yard is not accessible. I certainly wasn't out there having a drunk furniture party. Clint suggested I put on Spanish tv to calm my nerves...it really works!
Anyway, I got another text from him tonight asking about the ghostly furniture moving.
I went out back to take a picture for evidence...
OMG is that an ORB?!?
I'm never going outside again!

-- Post From My iPhone

Makeup!

2011-02-22T22:29:00.000-08:00

I haven't been talking about it much here, because I've been too busy making it!
There is one thing to be super excited about and that's my pal Erin's blog

http://www.ohhonestlyerin.com/archives/7341

Sorry for the uncouth linkage, but I just can't bring myself to get on my laptop these days, or as I like to call it...the pink dinosaur.

Anyway, Erin is giving away 5 pots of my eyeshadow to one lucky reader...so go and enter. And follow her blog while you're there because it's some kind of hilarious.

So while we are talking make up, here's a picture of me rocking some of my fx zombify line.
I'm wearing
Black Eye
Old Bruise
Rash
New Bruise.
The best part of this picture is that I went to work like this..both eyes! And no one said anything!
I totally had my " I just walked into a wall, no it's really because I wouldn't listen, he had to tell me twice" story down, but to no avail. No one was even mildly surprised or interested. Except for the temp I had to train that day unexpectedly...oops!
Not sure what I have to do to get some attention in that place...maybe set myself on fire?

-- Post From My iPhone

Tattoos and stuff

2011-02-22T00:34:00.000-08:00

So Paul got me a gift certificate and an appointment to get tattooed for valentines day! Possibly one of the best gifts ever! He sees Clint ( my tattoo bud) more than I do seems how the tattoo shop is right next to the starbucks he frequents daily.
I'm in the process of getting my leg sleeve done. I forgot how long huge pieces drag out...I get so anxious in between sessions. I miss the instant gratification of small pieces.
So in case you missed it, here's my awesome giant fly.

-- Post From My iPhone

Vince

2011-02-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

Sleeps like this right next to daddies face. A huge expanse of fat ass. I call him the white devil. Paul calls him an albino black panther.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sammy gets some love

2011-02-17T12:15:00.000-08:00

But he hardly ever gets talked about here. He smiles just like David Letterman and is the only one that prefers me over DADDY!

-- Post From My iPhone

I love giraffes for some reason

2011-02-16T08:23:00.000-08:00

-- Post From My iPhone

Sleep deprived for reals

2011-02-10T23:32:00.000-08:00

I am on a 4 day very little sleep bender. There is a flu plague of zombie like proportions sweeping through the lab. 5 of my 12 work kids have drs notes for the entire week. We still have to get it all finished before we leave. I'm exhausted and grumpy and snuck out to smoke.
On an unrelated subject, I'm totally in love with my hipstamatic camera app. It makes even me look like herb ritts.
I only use this to take photos now. When I show them to Paul all excited by my artsy ness. He says " what is the real camera on that thing broken?"
He doesn't get ART!

-- Post From My iPhone

After Xmas sale!

2010-12-26T09:56:00.000-08:00

Sunday only 25% off everything...come get all the stuff Santa didn't bring you!

www.mrsevils.etsy.com

-- Post From My iPhone

Danko Jones

2010-12-17T08:15:00.000-08:00

My favorite band ever. But everyone knows how much I love all things Canadian. Got to leave work early to go see them last night. Also got harassed by a cigar wielding douche bag in a mis matched suit about how a girl as beautiful as me should never have to buy a drink. Then the conversation spiraled in a bizarre direction with him begging Paul to just hit him first and how he hurt his knee being a cook and an airborne ranger. I wish I had videotaped that whole convo.
Lots of people there for the two opening bands. Everyone was gone by the time Danko got on stage. People just missed out on getting their asses rocked off.

-- Post From My iPhone

Daddys helper

2010-12-08T02:15:00.000-08:00

Vince the Pince

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday in general

2010-12-05T13:06:00.000-08:00

So it's raining outside. Paul is still sleeping, so I can't really start crafting or putting orders together yet.
I have a bunch of custom zombies to start. Other ones I haven't finished.
Feeling so lazy and sleepy all the time. Could have gone to a crop circle seminar if not for my fear of being around strangers in a car for any length of time.
I made two new eyeshadows last night for the darksider collection. Now I just have to send them off and wait for approval.
Other than that, yesterday was unproductive too. Although Paul made me an awesome egg sandwich for dinner.
I'm feeling like I'm so selfish with my time. My job is so physically and emotionally draining. When I'm not there, all I want to do is tune out and sleep.
I'm sure it's part of my depression. I just have such a hard time accomplishing anything. Even little stuff like returning phone calls or balancing my checkbook.

So I guess I'm kind of whiny today. I want some time off and to quit my job. And to stop being the the one that has all the answers.

-- Post From My iPhone

Black Friday to Cyber Monday Sale

2010-11-27T01:52:00.000-08:00

So Ive got this sale going on this weekend. Everything in my etsy store is 25% off! If that's not enough, I'm including a free eyeshadow with every order!

AND My super awesome teammates over at Etsy's Dark Side are having big ass sales this weekend too..so check out this blog post that lists all the participating shops and what their deals are and stuff.

I'm also excited about the new darksider eyeshadow colors just listed...Super hot! And a super new glamourous eyeshadow called Unicorn Pee! Paul says that no one will buy an eyeshadow named after a bodily function, unicorn or non unicorn. WE WILL SEE ABOUT THAT!

Come get some!

Tiny g

2010-11-21T14:45:00.001-08:00

Clint doesn't know I took this picture and would probably be all mad. But look at my awesome giraffe!

-- Post From My iPhone

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T11:51:00.000-07:00

So I got dressed up for work friday. Mostly because my work kids expect it and said they would all go home if I didn't. Won first prize in the costume contest! Not so easy to test pee in this get up. Plus it was raining like hell all day and had to rock my rain boots. Not very zombie like to worry about getting your feet wet. Scared the crap out of some co workers without hiding behind corners. Paul was sleeping when I got home and also was a bit traumatized. You'd think he'd be used to it after all these years!

-- Post From My iPhone

Watching yourself on TV is very unnerving

2010-10-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I blabbed about this here.

God knows my facebook and text messages for the last month have revolved around my hoping to not dry heave/fall down/ look like a total jackass on TV.

So for those of you just catching up, I sent an email a few months back to one of my favorite shows that shows old bad horror movies split up with interludes of the hosts ( a demon and a zombie) trading casual banter about the badness of said movie. Lots of drinking and scantily clad chicks.

I thought maybe they could interview me with my barbies as they often have other artsy type segments. I didn't hear back for awhile. And I was totally butthurt. And then the producer wrote me saying he loved the barbies and wanted me to come down on the 18th of Sepember for a taping.

So then I went into full on panic mode. Holy shit, I was going to be on TV! What if I didn't have enough barbies to take? What if I sounded like a total asshole? What the eff was I going to wear?!?

Because I'm such a huge ass fan, I made My Pretty Zombie Dolls of the hosts to give to them. I thought they turned out pretty well.

Paul went with me to the taping. I was unusually calm considering the fact I've been known to cry before craft shows.
Everyone was so nice!

This picture cracks me up. Everyone was busy taking pictures of the barbies and I look like the anxious mom sending the kid off for the first day of school.

NoName and Balrok seemed to love their dolls!

I was so nervous for the actual taping that I wasn't quite exactly what I said, so I've been agonizing about that. I had to wait a whole month for my episode to air. To make matters worse, we were going to be in Florida for an award dinner for Paul. Everyone else was going to see it before me!

Last night we got back and immediately past out due to lack of sleep and crazy Florida shenanigans (more on this later). About 10:30 I finally worked up the nerve to put the movie on. And guess what? Only the last hour of the show recorded due to our crappy ass satellite box needing to be reset. I was on in the first 30 minutes. WTF? I tried not to come unglued and frantically texted Shannon to find out if
A. she had saved the movie
B. if she was even still awake
C. if we could come over and watch it so I didn't die

It was a yes for everything, so we drove over there ( I was in my pajamas) to watch my big tv debut.
Believe it or not it turned out really well. My eyeshadow was super sparkly, I seemed super calm and collected (don't know how that happened) and best of all I didn't look ten pounds heavier! As soon as I figure out how to post it to YouTube, I'll post the whole interview for you. In the meantime, here's the trailer for the show.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=164449436914542

Special Thanks to Henry for posting this link for me on facebook as I couldn't do it from my phone on Saturday. Also for that Fabulous first picture here of my favorite Zombie Doll, HenryWinkle watching me on TV.

Hugs

EDIT: Alot of my work kids watched it and have been teasing me relentlessly about curtsy-ing. Also the general concensus was that I did look ten pounds heavier (sigh)

Lula

2010-10-04T23:58:00.001-07:00

Paul and I had to have Lula put to sleep this morning. It was really hard on both of us, and I really thought I had prepared myself for this since her diagnosis of bladder cancer 4 months ago.

This picture was from a few years ago, probably right before we found out about her diabetes. She looks so dang happy! She's been so sick for so long, I almost forgot she ever looked like this.

I kept putting the decision off because she still loved to eat so much. You could almost set your watch by her when it came to pokey time. Thats what we called it at 11am and 11pm when she would get fed and her insulin shot. She would start barking and hopping around. Even when she went totally blind and would run into things. Our lives have revolved around this schedule for the past 4 years. I really don't know what we're going to do now.

This picture was from when we lived in Nashville. The dogs had never seen snow before. Neither had I really. It looks like shes been eating it here. She wasn't afraid of anything.

This is when Paul took them all to the beach. When they went to the river, she was always the first one to go barreling into the water. She never looked, she just jumped.

The house feels so empty now. She was a loud, huge presence. Haven't been able to stop crying all day.

Paul stayed with her until the end. I had to leave the room because I was afraid my crying would upset her. So I kissed her and told her to be a good monkey and that mommy loved her very much. I went out to the car and cried and cried.

The wind started up and picked up a swirl of leaves in a little twister and then stopped. Somehow I felt that it was her leaving me.

I know she's in a better place now and no longer in any pain. Someplace where its the good part of pokey time all the time, sleeping on pillows, and running in apple orchards.

I've had her since she was 6 weeks old. She was my baby for the last 14 years, even in the end.

I miss her more than I thought I could.

Thought I would repost this Lula story from last summer in honor of her and what a total ass she could be.

http://mrsevils.blogspot.com/2009/07/how-i-spent-my-friday-night.html

Sleep well, Lula, mommy loves you forever.

New Interview!

2010-09-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

Check out what happened when I got to answer some questions from Jackson over at Mafiosagrrl

She shares my love of movies, Trailer Park Boys, sewing, and has expressed interest in drinking champagne from the bottle with a long straw. She lives in my county so soon we'll get to hang out in real life.

She does some crazy ass things with embroderiery. For reals, you should check it out.

Hugs!

Oh Yeah and I finally got my Eyeshadow listed

2010-08-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

Well, actually I listed it last weekend, but I guess I was too busy sleeping or something to tell you guys about it.

So hey its up now!

Got a convo yesterday from this nice lady with an awesome blog called Makeup Zombie. She was nice enough to feature me there today. So you should totally check it out.

Win A My Pretty Zombie Doll!

2010-08-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

OMG....so here's some exciting news...I was interviewed by ZombieHoard!

I made this icky Zombie especially for this contest!

Her name is Emanuelle and she was inspired by this horrible 70's French vampire movie called Requiem for a Vampire.

So all you have to do to enter to win her is go to ZombieHoard's facebook fan page and answer this question:

"If Barbie was in the middle of a Zombie Apocalypse, which one of her Accessories would she use to kill Zombies?"

I mean, I know what I'd say, but I was way too anxious to get this Zombie out of my house. But you sure could use her in yours!

Paul won't let me do Blogathon

2010-07-15T10:23:00.000-07:00

Well, that's not technically true, but he did threaten to move out.
So seems how I can't partake in all the hi jinks, you should help out my friend Erin with her efforts!
She will have to post a new blog entry every 30 minutes for 24 hours! And it's all for charity, so you can feel good about being kind to others and stuff.
She is the funniest person I know, has an awesome son named Chooch, a totally patient BF named Henry and one of the coolest shops on etsy.
She's giving away great incentives for your donations to make it even more worth your while.
Check out all the details here for how to donate, or at least cheer her on.
Here is a link to one of my very favorite posts of hers so you can see what you're in for.
"Bullying Chooch and Mommy Style"

hugs!

Home!

2010-07-12T10:52:00.000-07:00

Well, being home is pretty awesome. Things are returning to normal as this picture of Lemon Domingo eating a barbie demonstrates.

Thanks everybody for following along on all our adventures! It really was fun for me to get to share the daily goings on of our road trip. Plus it kept Paul from being too evil too me because he knew I would blog about it.

Thanks also for forgiving my typos and spelling errors. I'm getting too old to proofread all that tiny print on my iphone.

One more day off and then I go back to work. Lots of barbie stuff to work on today if I can get the cat out of the way.

Any vacation/road trip stories that you would like to share?

hugs

Road Trip Day Five

2010-07-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

July 9
Woke up every half an hour starting at 7:30. Paul finally woke up at 11:00. We went outside to smoke and he immediately started whining about not having coffee.

Him: maybe you could drive to starbucks
Me: and maybe I'll die driving in LA!

It's no secret that I hate driving. I do it as little as possible and pretty much to work and back. I never drive on the freeway. I didn't even get my license until I was 23. Driving to someplace I had never even seen in an unfamiliar town? Get the eff out.

But he was unrelenting. Maybe they were going to have booze and hookers delivered in my absence.

Me: But I can't even find it on my phone!
Him: Look I found it on my starbucks app (for real) here's the address.

So I glumly looked it up on my map. It was only 2 miles. It looked like I was going to have to go.
Shit.
I started memorizing the turns.
right on chandler
right on ethel
left on burbank
I could totally handle it right?

Paul gave me the keys and I pulled the seat up as far as it would go. I could literally see nothing out of the back window due to his overly dark pimp tint. My hands were super sweaty and I sat for way to long watching traffic looking for an opening that was large enough in my mind to cram the overly colossal car into (in reality, its a ford fusion, but it seems like a tank to me)

Pulled into traffic and stayed in the right lane (right on chandler) then turned at the light. Two more blocks and there was another light (right on ethel). One block up another light (left on burbank)
I started to breathe easier. Maybe I wasn't going to die after all. This wasn't so bad. I was feeling all proud of my bravado when I realized I didn't know what street the starbucks was on.
I had spent so much time memorizing the turns that I neglected to remember the actual address. Dumbass!
Well, how hard could it be? 2 miles right? It had to be around there somewhere. I tried bringing my map up on the phone while waiting at the light. "cannot find server". I really was going to die I was sure of it.
Waiting to turn right at the light. The name of the street sounded vaguely familiar. I think it was the name Paul told me the starbucks was on. I started scanning the street after waiting for a million teenagers to use the cross walk. I knew it was going to be on the right, but I couldn't find it anywhere. OMG I was lost in LA! I drove around the block and made right turns until I was on burbank again. Got my map up finally and saw the street and number. Waiting at the same crosswalk. I look to my right and the mothereffin starbucks is right on the corner! Goddamn. Had to wait for an old man in a golf cart(?WTF?) to cross the street. Pulled into the parking lot. I was so relieved.
Managed to get the coffee and make it back to Josh's house without incident and no accidents.
I didn't see any evidence of a hooker/booze party, but Paul had packed up all our crap. I thought we were getting ready to leave.
Then Paul mentioned that they wanted to "JAM" and Josh told me I could get in the pool if I wanted.
Hmm. I considered the options. It was a very nice pool and I couldn't remember the last time I was in one. I had bought a new swimsuit for the trip on the off chance I would find myself in a pool type situation. But there's the whole hair thing, and the tattoo thing and being the same color as paper thing. In the end I was like what the eff. I had brought a book with me that I had bought six months ago and hadn't had a chance to read. I had 50 spf. Ill just pile up the fake hair and doggy paddle around a bit.
So I changed and gathered up all my crap. The only thing I was missing was my gigantic hat that I wear anytime there's a chance of the sun touching me. The pool was cold as hell and took my breath away, but I managed to do a half ass lap to the end and back before sitting on the steps and reading my book. 10 minutes later and my pasty ass felt like it was on fire so I moved back to a lawn chair by the shade. I could hear the boys "JAMMING", but really only Josh's drums. Even then it was barely louder than someones car stereo. I drank my coffee and enjoyed feeling like I was on vacation.
Paul finally came out around three. He was ready to go. I stood up to go and change and felt a little woozy, but chalked it up to all the sun and stuff.
Said goodbye to Josh and started the long drive back home.
I started to feel really sick. I told Paul that I needed to eat something, but he "forgot". He lives on coffee and cigarettes alone so sometimes he forgets that normal humans need food in order to not die or throw up in his car.
Made him stop at a rest stop. It actually was relatively clean. Splashed cold water on my face until the urge to vomit subsided.
Back in the car, had a 7 up and choked down some crackers until we made it to a jack in the box.
I felt much better after eating and made Paul feel terrible about forgetting to feed me.
Drove for a few more hours and stopped to get gas in Coalinga. The smell of hot cow feces was overwhelming and seemed to cling to our clothes when we got back in the car after using the restroom. Paul referred to it as "Dungalinga" for the rest of the trip.
Finally felt well enough to blog for a bit. Played Tap fish, Zombie Farm, and Words with Friends.
Too dark to even stare out the window.
Half an hour from home and finally pulled off the freeway. I offered to drive the rest of the way home. Paul gave me a dirty look and threatened to punch me in my other kidney.
What?

Road trip day four

2010-07-09T18:23:00.000-07:00

July 8
Woke up 10:30. Check out time is 11. I hate rushing to get ready. Especially with my pain in the ass (I mean fabulous) new hair. I decided to rock Pocahontas braids and just be done with it.
Got all our crap packed up and dragged out to the car. I was longing wistfully for the buffet which was a vice I picked up in Nashville. Paul was still full from his chili cheese omlette from the night before. Starbucks again. There was one in the hotel. Paul went on a rant about how non freestanding starbucks employees are the biggest dicks on the planet. He's always like that before coffee.
Went and sat outside in the boiling heat to drink our coffee and smoke. Found a modestly shady patch in the direct path of the bellboys and killed about 30 minutes.
Our plan was to see the bodies exhibit and then head back to LA to stay another night at Josh's.
I still had a $20 voucher from the night before that I wanted to lose in a $1 slot machine. Took about 35 seconds.
Went upstairs to see the bodies. No photography, of course, but they did take your picture in front of a green screen before you went in. In my mind I was imagining all the fabulous scenes that they could put behind us. Buildings on fire getting chased by people with no skin...I was totally excited about it.
Got into the exhibit. Met by a lady in a lab coat who explained that all the exhibits were REAL! Paul (who is a total teachers pet know it all in these situations) asked her why the sign said there were APPROXIMATELY 206 bones in the human body. The lady got all flustered and started saying something about infants and their unfused skulls. Then admitted that she didn't know and would go ask someone. He totally loves doing things like this to people and was smiling all gleefully. I totally forgot about it until she chased us down in the next room and explained that some people have more bones in their tailbones than others. Then Paul started in with his "oh that's when people are born with tails" story. He's insisted for years that he himself was born with one and that his mom had it cut off and I should just ask her.
I just rolled my eyes and stopped listening.
I've always been a huge fan of plastination. Or taxidermy or embalming or any kind of dead thing preservation. I thought it would be great to be plastinized after I die, but Paul put his foot down and said it was too gross and he didn't want to have to go visit me in a museum somewhere.
So I was expecting to be totally fascinated and stoked on the exhibit. I was a little disappointed. I thought it was a little over produced and sterile. All the informational cards with the displays were basically 5th grade level health class info. Not sure what I was expecting. Maybe more information on the process or how it was developed and perfected. Not just a dumbed down description of the circulatory system. All but two of the full bodies were male and posed in weird sporting positions. Baseball, football, basketball, and darts were all represented. I just couldn't get into it.
Of course I forgot all about our souvenir photo in my cloud of dismay. It could have been fantastic and I'll never know.
Before leaving town, we stopped at the worlds largest gift shop to buy some crap for those people we work with. It was huge and full of fat pasty tourists furiously pawing through Vegas crap. There was tons of swag with pot leaves on it which I thought was weird until Paul pointed out the gigantic "call Dr. Reefer" billboard on the way out of town.
Got on the road to LA. Took an hour detour to get Paul more starbucks. I blogged most of the way. Paul insisted on taking me to the hustler store when we hot to LA. Mostly because I had been bitching and complaint for the better part of 2 days about my lack of a hustler hoodie, hustler juice and photographic evidence of both.
Plus I think I told him my life had no meaning without it.
So being the good husband that he is and not wanting me to die from longing, he took me there.
I figured the best I was going to get was some horrible sequined hoodie thing that I was going to shut up and buy anyway because if all the haranguing. But the only hoodie they had ended up being super cool with horseshoes and swallows. I bought the sweatpants too. So then I had to get a juice. Paul was unenthusiastic about the coffee because it wasn't starbucks, but I told him it might be made by a hot chick with her ass hanging out and that perked him up considerably.
Bur it was a scenester dude. Paul glared at me all resentful. Oh well. All the juice drinks had suggestive names and I think the one I got was called something like "there she blows" or some variation there off. Paul can't remember either. Should have written it down dammit!
Posed for my sassy picture and everything was right with the world!

Went back to Josh's house and I had a glass and a half of champagne and passed out at 12:30. Still the happiest girl in the world.

Ps. I forgot to mention that I did learn via the bodies exhibit that your kidneys are much higher up in your body than I thought they were.
Paul said "of course, that's why you can't punch people there in MMA". Then he kidney punched me.
-- Post From My iPhone

Road trip day three

2010-07-08T18:15:00.001-07:00

July 7
Left Josh's house around noon. Drove around til we found a starbucks and a Jack in the box. Paul liked my breakfast sandwich better than his so he ate most of mine too.
Started driving towards Vegas. Blogged for most of the way. Paul was transfixed by the scenery which was mostly dirt, rocks and mountains.
"look it's a cactus!". He was all excited.
I glanced up briefly
"it's a joshua tree"
"no it's a cactus it's a California cacturitis"
He likes to make stuff up. I was going to google it but I was too busy.
Stopped at a filthy rest stop that was hotter than the hinges of hell. Packs of crows were hopping around with their beaks open. I don't know why. Maybe birds pant like dogs?
There were two womens restrooms. One said #1 and the other said #2 over the door. They both were equally disgusting so I chose #2. None of the stalls had doors. The toilets were all clogged with wads of tp and feminine products. The handicapped stall seemed the least revolting so I tried to hurry and pee before someone came in and saw me.
Paul waited for me outside at a "not being creepy lurking outside the ladies room" distance.
Went back to the car and got my camera to take a few pictures. Will post later.
Back on the road. Finished blogging about 30 minutes outside of Vegas.
I had booked a room earlier for $40 at the Luxor. It's where we always stay. Plus I wanted to see the Bodies exhibit really badly and it was there.
We found a fairly close spot in the self park and Paul made me carry way too many of my own bags. He wanted to bring the cooler, but what the eff? You get free drinks while you're gambling. We argued about whether to take it or leave it until he tried to pick it up and decided it was too heavy. It was at least a thousand degrees in the parking garage. It was a huge relief to make it inside the casino. We were immediately accosted by a huge guy in a suit.
"checking in?"
I thought he was going to take our bags and was so relieved to give them up. Instead it turned into a 10 minute sales pitch that ended up being some time share crap. Paul basically told them they were dicks for trying to scam us or some crap. I was just tired of carrying all my stuff.
Made it to registration. Upgraded our room to a spa suite for $50.
Dragged all our crap for at least another mile to the elevator. Our room was on the 23rd floor of the pyramid. Paul kept trying to get me to look over the edge of the walkway. My hands got all sweaty and I hugged the opposite wall. I don't think he would REALLY push me over the edge, but you can't be to sure.
Finally made it to our room. It seems to be as far away from the elevator as possible. Our options for the privacy please sign were a hot chick in a bra or carrot top. Later I would count the hot chick beating carrot top 10 to 1 on other doors. Our door sign at the Madonna inn had said "NO MOLESTE!" in huge red letters. Way cooler IMO.
Paul took a shower and we went downstairs to gamble and eff off. He drank 2 scotches in 5 minutes.
The waitress was walking by with someone elses drinks when he yelled and pointed at her tray
"what's that?! I want one of those"
"strawberry daiquiri"
It was a very girly looking drink with whipped cream and everything.
"I'm not pretending that's my drink". I told him. "that's all you"
He was totally giddy when it arrived and kept trying to get me to drink it even though I hate strawberries.
Meanwhile there was a scantily clad chick dancing on a stage amidst the blackjack tables. She was throwing out Mardi Gras beads to the people hucking chips at her.
"omg. Her whole ASS is hanging out!". Paul thought he was whispering.
Gambled for a bit. Had 2 glasses if champagne. Then Paul decides he has to ride the roller coaster and New York New York.
We took the tram over to Excalibur and walked the rest of the way. We kept having to stop so he could make me watch the roller coaster and tell me how awesome it was going to be. I wanted no part of it.
The entrance to the ride was located in the arcade and we had to wade through throngs of booty short clad teens and screaming toddlers. Panic set in for me. I hate crowds. And people. And peoples children.
Paul wasn't allowed to take anything on the ride so I was designated crap holder. I stood around and waited trying to look as much like I wasn't a creepy child murderer as possible. But mostly I was bored. I went into the gift shop and bought some touristy crap. Stood around and waited. Some creepy guy holding 2 beers came up and started talking to me.
"nice tats. You must be from so cal"
"no San Francisco"
"ooh nor cal! Frisco huh"
"yeah"
I tried to ignore him and he finally went away. Paul came out a few minutes later and was all gleeful that he had managed to illegally video tape the ride and then wanted to make me watch it.
I was starving. He had skipped dinner in favor of drinking and it was now midnight.
On our way out I saw the glass meat cabinet in the middle of the casino. Not sure the purpose, but made Paul take a not that flattering picture of me in front of it.
Walked back to our hotel after finding out the tram stopped running at 10:30. I was pretty sweaty, hungry and grumpy at this point. Passed an obvious call girl on the street. Then a priest carrying a little suitcase and smoking a cigarette like it was a joint.
Back at the hotel. Had a quesadilla in the 24 hour cafe. Paul had a chili cheese omelette. We debating drinking some more and finally decided to go back up to our room and get in the jacuzzi. It took over an hour to fill up, but it was worth it.

-- Post From My iPhone

Road trip day two

2010-07-07T16:49:00.000-07:00

July 6

Woke up at 7:30. I had passed out pretty early the night before so I guess it wasn't too surprising. I let Paul sleep until 9:30 while I replied to all my happy birthday texts and facebook messages.
Thanks guys!
Paul was rocking a sweet pink madonna inn bathrobe but he refused to let me take his picture because I would " just blog about it"
Whatev.
We went out to our fancy rock balcony to smoke and stare at the mountains and horses and nature crap. We're interrupted by annoyingly exaggerated coughing from above us. Then the sound of a chair being shoved back and the sliding patio door slamming.
Good riddance, thumping elephant assholes, I thought. They had 3 balconies in their room, which by the way was the one I wanted because it was all pink.
They could go sit on one of the other ones.
I see myself as a considerate smoker. I never have thrown a butt out my car window. I never smoke in non smoking areas. I stay 20 feet from public entrances. I lurk by ashtrays all shameful waiting to get yelled at.
I wasn't to worried about the dicks upstairs. The hotel was very adamant about not smoking in the rooms ($100 minimum fine etc). But there were ashtrays posted every 5 feet outside. And they were giving away hotel matchbooks on every flat surface. Paul's point was that what else were you supposed to do with so many matches besides burn the place down?
I went in to take a shower. It was pretty awesome with all the rocks. Kind of like bathing in a cave. And the pink robe was super soft and stretchy. At least they had a sign warning you that stealing it would result in an extra $55 charge. I was sorely tempted. I got a starbucks doubleshot and went back out to the balcony where Paul still was
Him: I just got yelled at
Me: by who?
Him: the upstairs dicks
Me: what?!
Him: yeah, this chick came all the way down to the parking lot to look up here and yell at me for smoking
Me: what did she say?
Him: she said "don't you know this is a non smoking hotel?!". So I said " no there's just no smoking in the rooms"
Then she got all pissed and stomped off.
Me: what a picnic bitch!
Him: she's probably going down to the front desk to complain right now.
Me: see! I told you you should have let me call and complain yesterday when they were having their elephant party!
Him: I should have

It was almost check out time anyway.
I wanted to go to the gift shop to get something for my mom. Paul was grumpy from the smoking conflict and from not having any coffee yet. I tried to hurry. The gift shop was full of old lady leisure wear. I milled about and pointed at all the creepy clown dolls and tacky souvenirs. Paul was getting annoyed. The saleswoman came over and exclaimed " oh, did you see our new t shirts? " then dragged me over to where they were. It was an Ed hardy style hoodie with Madonna inn all bedazzled on it. Maybe 20 years ago. But I just can't rock clothes with rhinestones at this point in my life. Maybe in another 40 years I'll get a sequined cat sweater.
I happened upon the bathrobes and decided to buy one seems how I couldn't steal one. Paul was still annoyed. I also got a postcard of out room that the saleslady was overly excited to tell me that we got for free for staying there. (score!)
She asked how our stay was and Paul refused to answer.
"we loved our room" I said
"oh, did you get to eat at the steak house? The food is so great!"
More silence.
Somehow she managed to drag the whole story out of him. I was just praying for it to end without bloodshed. The lady wrote down our room number and promised to let the owners know.
"maybe we"ll get a free room fir next time". I said wistfully as we peeled out of the parking lot.
" that chick isn't going to do shit". Paul was still grim.
Time for coffee!
According to the starbucks finder app, one was located inside a barnes and noble only a block away. He didn't want to deal with book store dicks. So we drove another 30 minutes to find a free standing one.
Ordered our coffee
Overly cheerful starbucks girl: how's your guys day so far?!
Silence
OCSG: oh well, it can only get better!

Right!

Started driving to LA. Our plan was to stay the night with Paul's bff Josh who he's know since they were tiny kids. Josh was working until later that night so he recommended that we check out the museum of death. I literally screamed with glee. Even though I was friends with the MoD on myspace, I had completely forgotten that it was now in LA. I had been there before in 99 when it was San Diego and it's one of my fondest memories of that year. Oh besides meeting my soul mate and stuff.

And it was my effing birthday. Which means that everyone has to cater to my every whim and do all the terrible shit that I want to do. What could be more perfect?

Spent most of the drive blogging about the previous days adventure. Occasionally Paul ( who had snapped out of his misery due to the coffee and my unending cheeriness) would say stuff like "ooh look at that rock!" or "wow it's the ocean and it's all weird"
By the time I looked up, it was gone.

Drove behind a truck emblazoned with the word BIMBO on the back. Also had a cartoon Teddy bear. I was totally enthralled by this.

Made it to the museum of death around 4 o'clock. I was hopping up and down while Paul dragged his slow ass out of the car.
Note on the door said "be back in a minute! :)"
mothereff.
Walked down to a tattoo shop to kill time. Nothing good. Walked back to the museum. They were back!
We paid our admission. Well Paul paid because it was my birthday.
The lady warned us about the extreme graffic nature of the exhibits. I was like a little kid pulling on Paul's sleeve and jumping up and down. I wanted to see dead shit RIGHT NOW!
No photos allowed. Super disappointed. But then the first room was all filled up with antique funeral stuff and wicked looking embalming devices. There was also a tv showing an actual embalming training video complete with a real body being worked on. I was mesmerized. Paul was getting a little woozy because he can't stand the sight of blood so I didn't get to see past breaking the rigor mortis.
Boo.

There were so many fascinating exhibits there that I can't even remember them all. Partial list:
Severed mummified head of executed French serial killer
Heavens gate bunk bed and clothes
Black dalia crime scene photos
Artwork by John Wayne Gacy, Richard Ramirez, Henry Lee Lucas, and Charles Manson
Taxidermied animals. Including Liberace's cat, Jayne Mansfield s chihuahua, and a bunch of weird albino animals.
Paul kept asking questions and I knew most of the answers thanks to all that murder I watch on tv!
There was a creepy dark room where they were showing a movie but Paul was all deathed out by then. We each got a t shirt before we left. I wish I had bought on of the coffee mugs too :(.
On the way to the car I nagged Paul until he admitted it was the coolest museum ever. It really was freaking awesome and you should totally go.

We still had some time to kill so we found another starbucks so Paul could use the free wi fi. Then drove around some more. Paul lived in LA when we first met and he's a great tour guide:
"my friend worked at that tanning salon and Carmen Electra used to go there"
"this street used to have twin pimps on it"
"this is where all the tranny hookers hang out"
"I saw Weird Al eating a chili dog there"

Totally.

I wanted to go to the Hustler store when I saw they had a juice bar inside(WTF) but Paul conveniently "forgot" to stop. I totally needed a picture of that. And a hoodie, because I was freezing my ass off because Paul "forgot" to remind me to bring a coat.
Meh.

We had some awesome pizza at a by the slice place and went to the liquor store where I had a hand wringing fit of indecision over what champagne to get ( Laurent Perrier or French Mumm. Couldn't remember which one I liked better . Went with the LP. It was delightful!)
Met up with Josh at his house. Sat around and talked for awhile and I was able to get on my lap top for a bit. Drank 3 glasses of champagne and went to bed to leave the boys to talk about what ever it is that they talk about. Boobs and carburetors, I imagine. Played Words with Friends until I passed out. Pretty fabulous birthday.

Post From My iPhone

Road trip day one

2010-07-06T14:12:00.001-07:00

Briefly catching up before I get started.
Today is my 36 th birthday.
Lula is still alive and being evil.
Finally got a cortisone shot last Tuesday and my arm is almost normal again.
Paul and I are on vacation this week. Were taking a road trip to Las Vegas. I want to post everyday but as I'm planning on being too drunk or tired to post at night, I'll do the previous days recaps.

JULY 5:
Paul wanted to leave our house by 9 am.
As you may know, I am not a morning person. I woke up at 8 and tried to drink some coffee while waiting for Paul to get back with the freaking donuts.
By the time I was ready to leave and Paul had the car packed up it was 10. Oops. Technically it's not my fault. For my birthday Paul paid for me to get fake hair. Well,it's real hair but not grown by me. Just sewed on to my head. Super long and evil and I love it, but an assload of maintenance and drying time. Paul likes the look of it but he's to scared to touch it. For example, here's an excerpt of a convo we had yesterday
Him: if you move your hair out of the way, I'll rub your bad shoulder.
Me: I know you don't want to touch it
Him: that's not true!
Me: then why did you scream like a girl when I made you feel it the other night?
Him: because you told me it came from a dead person

I may have said that, I can't remember. It sounds like me.

Anyway, we hit the road at 10. Nothing too eventful happened until we stopped in salinas to get coffee and a memory stick for Pauls new camcorder.
When we walked into walmart it was total mayhem. The shelves were almost completely empty and what little crap there was left was being swooped upon my hoards of crazed walmart people. amidst all of this and screaming bruised babies, employees were furiously dismantling the fixtures. I thought I was going to have a panic attack. Paul ditched me in cosmetics while he tried to find a memory card. I kind of lurked around for awhile staring at the empty racks and clutching a bottle of sun screen. Finally I decided to go searching for him and found him with a gaggle of frenzied shoppers pawing through some sporting goods. He was super excited about buying a back pack with a two liter bottle and a straw attachment for drinking out of. I'm sure it's supposed to be for water, not booze, but what do I know?
Anyway, then we got to leave. Thinking that self checkout would be faster than waiting in line behind the old hoarder ladies with their basketfuls of plastic wreaths, I picked the wrong line as usual. The girl ahead of us had never used self check out before. The baby in her cart had a black eye and she kept threatening him with alternating punishments of either tying him up or smacking him.
20 minutes later we were able to get out of there and go to office depot for the memory card and el pollo loco for some lunch.
Back on the road. Not much to look at in central california. Well, nothing but agriculture (ps why does asparagus need it's own website?) prisons and mental hospitals. Our stop for the night was the Madonna inn in San Luis Obispo. If you've never heard of it, it's super kitschy with hundreds of tackily decorated theme rooms. I've wanted to stay there forever. The mens room in the lobby has a waterfall for a urinal and I made Paul go in and take pictures. I wad super jealous until I saw the ladies room had hot pink iridescent wall paper. Omg.
Our room had a balcony that they assured us we could smoke on. It was called "the Matterhorn" and came with it's own cowbell. And a shower built out of rocks. It was just as awesome as I imagined it would be. We had a late dinner reservation at the steakhouse there so we decided to take a nap in the meantime. As soon as I fell asleep, some dicks came into the room upstairs. It sounded like there was a thousand of them and that they weighed a ton. I wanted to call and ask for a different room, but Paul wouldn't let me.
Sleeping was out so we walked around and checked our the pool. I started to get hungry so we decided to go to dinner early.
The restaurant was decorated entirely in pink, fake flowers, and huge gilded cherubs. Pink leather round booths, pink water glasses, pink and red flocked wallpaper. It was unreal.
We were served a weird relish tray upon being seated. I wished I had my camera to take a picture. It wad stacked like Lincoln logs with celery, carrots, pickled stuff, salami, and logs of monterey Jack cheese.
We both ordered the filet mignon. Paul had bought me a bottle of Dom for our anniversary so we proceeded to start drinking the hell out of it. Paul wanted to point out that he drank more of it than I did. Which never happens, but I've turned into a light weight in my old age and didn't want to spend my birthday all hung over like last year.
So our food finally arrives. We trade steaks after I cut into mine and see that it's well done. I cut into the other steak that's supposed to be medium and it's well done too.
"send it back" Paul says
I try to eat it anyway. But it sucks. I've never sent food back before, but it s all crispy and terrible. Paul is loving his and points out how it's super expensive so I should be able to get what I want. The waiter was very nice and agreed it was too done. 5 minutes later he returns with a new plate with a huge hunk of meat on it. My baked potato was lost in the process evidently.
It didn't look like a filet which is a kind of tall fat chunk. It looked like a long flat steak. I thought maybe they had butterflied it to cook it faster.
I took a bite and it was cooked correctly, but was not a filet. It was a sirloin. And I hate to sound like a meat snob, but i didn't take animal science in high school for nothing.
I ranted drunkenly to Paul about texture and fibers and got him to taste test it comparing it to his. It took him 3 tries, but finally he agreed that the assholes were trying to eff us over steak wise.
A different waitress came over
"oh that does look weird! " she exclaimed and took it away. I could see into the kitchen from where I was sitting. She was pointing at the steak and the old dick cook was shaking his head and throwing up his hands.
10 minutes later she was back saying the chef had assured her it was a filet, but if I wanted another one it would be 20 minutes.
WTF! At this point we were one of 3 tables in the whole shitty establishment.
I told her I didn't want anything. Not even a free dessert. I was over it.
We got our bill and of course we were charged for 2 filets. I didn't even get to eat. We waited for another 20 minutes for the waiter to return to dispute the bill. He never came back, that ass. So we left a $6 tip on a $100 check and bolted out of there.
Paul was all tanked on dom and came up with a bunch of great revenge plans. My favorite of which was to change the tv remote settings to French. I was convinced that the cook and the waiter would be repelling down from the roof to our balcony to kill us while we slept.
I had a cup of tea and passes out at 11:30. Getting old I guess.
-- Post From My iPhone

Lula update

2010-06-14T14:26:00.000-07:00

Good news! Her symptoms seem to be improving. The vet prescribed a medication that has a 25% chance of shrinking the mass in her bladder. Since Saturday night she has been returning to her asshole self.
Thank you all for your support and kind words. It has really meant a lot to Paul and I.
Hugs
-- Post From My iPhone

Sad News

2010-06-12T18:05:00.000-07:00

We found out on Monday after a hectic emergency vet visit that Lula has bladder cancer. It is terminal and she has weeks or months at most. Right now we're just doing our best to keep her comfortable. She still loves to eat. And bark. She's still peeing and drinking tons of water. The vet says when she stops doing any of these things to let them know right away.

I've been trying to prepare myself for this for awhile now. She is 14, diabetic, blind, and senile. She's always been a huge ass pain, for proof read this post from last year.

Our whole lives have revolved around her insulin injection schedule for the last 4 years (also known as "pokey time"). Things are going to be so different without her. So now we're just in the watching and waiting pattern and looking at all these old pictures is making me really sad. Going to give her a hug and please give your evil animals a hug from me too.

Buttons!

2010-06-06T08:37:00.001-07:00

I got my new button maker yesterday and it rules so hard! I made 30 buttons and only one of them was effed up. Fantastic! Made a bunch with my broken animals on them that I will be listing in my shop. I just want to make a button of everything now. Paul suggested something about squirrels not being good at oil changes. Seems like a worthy sentiment. The best part is that i can do it left handed! May not seem that exciting, but there's not much I can do with my jenky right arm anymore. Still waiting for my robot arm with wheel attachment. Someday.
So I was all excited about these buttons I made. Paul had to ruin my day by telling me I couldn't wear it to work because it was "too negative". Meh

-- Post From My iPhone

Vanity

2010-05-30T17:08:00.000-07:00

She's been done for a few days, but I just got around to taking the pictures. Paul says she looks like Fire marshall Bill. I totally love her! She was pretty before.

This is what I did yesterday

2010-05-23T12:32:00.000-07:00

Paul went on a rafting trip this weekend. So I was home alone again. Been spending far too much time in my house skulking around and trying to do things left handed, yelling at the pets and drinking too much coffee.
I did just buy the new Danko Jones Album which is rocking me out so hard I can barely type.
OMG.
Anyway, I have had all these plans to start a My Pretty Zombie Cosmetic line. Because I have a huge problem with make up. And shoes. I love eyeshadow almost as much as I love zombies so I figured I could combine the two. Here's a photo at my attempt at making lipstick:

Before you laugh too hard...I'm blaming this on my crap arm...C'mon I can pour pee all day and hardly ever get any on me.

The Lipstick didn't turn out so great color wise. Looks fabulous in the tube, but once you put it on, its almost colorless. The girls at work and my sister loved it though. The consistency and the smell are fabulous so the next batch will be clear with multi colored glitter. You can use it as a top coat for that super hot "it looks like I'm drooling" effect.

After this disastrous mess that Paul mostly cleaned up, I decided to put off the eyeshadow thing until he was out of town. Yesterday I dragged out all the crap and these are a few of the colors I came up with:

These are 8 of them. I made 12. I'm thinking I'll sell them in sets of 3. They're all named after My Pretty Zombie Dolls.

Luckily I have some VERY nice friends who have volunteered to be my test subjects so I don't have to chase the dogs around shoving this crap in their eyes. After I get their feedback, I'll have some up in my shop!

Other stuff I've been working on that will be listed in the next week: A new slutty nurse and stewardess zombies. Also the diorama that Paul and I have been collaborating on. It's the grossest Zombie I've ever done and I'm super excited to get it listed. It's all done except for final gluing and bloody-ing up. maybe tomorrow? Here's a sneak peek:

This is a picture I took of Paul taking a picture of it. He's so proud of his lighting and wiring and all that electronical stuff. He keeps saying stuff like " make sure you tell them that all the points are hand soldered!"
So now you know.

Today I'm listing gift certifcates and girly tees if I can make it through without my computer crashing. I'm about to throw it through a window for reals.

I'll keep you posted on the eyeshadow reviews. Can hardly wait...going to tart myself up right now! Yay!

Hello Mitzi!

2010-05-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

Super excited to get my first diorama in forever listed. Etsy only lets you use 5 photos per listing so I thought I would share some here!

Mitzi Before: Her dreamy lingerie was created by my friend Susan at MiniCouture . If you haven't visited her shop yet, you really need to check it out. Her Barbie clothes are beautiful and painstakingly stitched by hand.

Mitzi After: I want to add that I went to the True Value and picked out all these screws, clamps and bolts BY MYSELF!

I love vintage dresser caddies and that was part of my inspiration for this piece. Although Paul thinks the drawer is too small for a wallet, you could totally put your change and watch in it. Or any unmentionables that you don't want your mom to see.

And I just put my iphone in it and it totally fits!

Oh yeah

2010-05-09T13:23:00.000-07:00

So I forgot to tell you guys a couple of things.

1. Sorry about the comment moderation. I know it sucks and is totally lame, but some jackass keeps posting links to Japanese porn sites on here and its pissing me off to no end. Not that I have anything against porn, Japanese or otherwise, but this is not the time or the place for it.
So I apologize to the rest of you who have real comments to make.

2. My arm is all jacked up still. I've been taken out of work by my doctor and now have nothing better to do but watch the Trailer Park Boys (we bought the box set, both movies, and the Christmas special), anything on the murder channel and my new fave local horror show Creepy Kofy Movie Time. If you live in the SF area, check it out. Its some kind of awesomeness Saturday nights at midnight on local channel 20. Reminds me of the good old days of watching Creature Features with my dad as a kid.

3. Working on some new dioramas and Barbie stuff. Luckily for me, I can paint zombies with mostly my left hand and its one of the few things that doesn't hurt me. Unlike driving, but that shit has always sucked IMO. Paul has been helping out tremendously with everything and has even taken an interest in building the dioramas with me. He's all about installing lights and power in these weird containers I keep bringing home so keep a look out for some of this new coolness I should be listing soon.

Sneaky peek at the newest diorama I'll be listing on etsy tomorrow. Her name is Mitzi. This is a little more on the functional side of dioramas as she has a fancy ass drawer you can store all your crap in. And a light.

So that's it for now. Gotta keep my typing to a minimum.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you with kids evil and otherwise.

Happy Mothers Day to my own Evil mom who is the best one anyone could ever have and I owe my love of all things creepy to. No one is more supportive of me and loves Zombie dolls with dangling eyeballs more than her. I love you, Mom! Even though you wouldn't let me get you an iphone to keep track of your ebay because it was too expensive. You're the greatest!

Hugs y'all.

Lemon's tree

2010-04-26T14:59:00.001-07:00

So this is the second time in 3 days that our dumb ass cat, Lemon Domingo, has been stuck in this tree in our backyard. The last time she was up there overnight as we didn't realize she was missing until I got home from work.
I wasn't too concerned at first. I figured she was a cat and if she could figure out how to get up there , she could figure out how to get back down. Then I read all this horrible stuff on the Internet about cats that had been stuck in trees for 8 days and then finally fell out as dead, dehydrated carcasses. I couldn't sleep after that. I felt like such a bad parent. The next morning Paul went out and climbed the tree to get her. He stuffed her in a pet carrier bag and she peed on him on the way down.
I thought she had learned her lesson. She escaped out the back door when Paul let the dogs out to yesterday morning. At pokey time she was no where to be found and sure enough, as soon as I opened the back door, I could hear her crying.
"your cat is stuck in the tree again" I told Paul. He's really too old to be climbing 30 feet in trees with a yowling cat on his back. But he managed to do it again anyway, although he complained the whole time about invisible bruises on his shins. He really loves that cat. He's my hero.-- Post From My iPhone

Undead Bazaar

2010-04-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

Here's some super exciting news!

I will be featured in this awesome zombie spectacular!
Tons of my zombie making homies as well so check it out.

Saying Goodbye to the girls

2010-04-05T23:23:00.000-07:00

I know its been a really long time since I've been around. Same sad story. Work, work, work. While I can't really get into specifics about the work front, I can say that my tendinitis is back and worse than ever. Its been a little over a month and no real improvement or advancement in my treatment. Its really frustrating being in pain all the time and being unable to do the things that I like to do. Like writing in my blog!

Typing is pretty painful for me right now, so Ill keep this update short.

In the last two weeks I sold my Sleepover diorama and my Breakfast diorama! It's very thrilling on a lot of levels but also bitter sweet for me. The Sleepover was basically the first My Pretty Zombie ever. Breakfast, I thought, was my best. I get too attached I guess. I took a ton of pictures of the Sleepover before I had to pack them up for shipping yesterday.

I'm thrilled that they're going to good homes, but still sad to see them go. It's hard to say goodbye.

And I'm a sad panda.

Don't get me wrong. I feel so lucky and honored that people love them enough to buy them and display them. And I don't want to end up like one of those crazy old cat ladies, but with barbies. Well, it might be too late for that.

But I'll miss them. We had some good times.

I do have a lot of really good stories to tell you later about not wanting to eat tragedy food and Paul getting pelted with a baby shoe while gambling.

Hugs for now.

Valentines day

2010-02-15T04:58:00.000-08:00

Last year I was totally sick the week of Valentines day. We never made concrete plans so we ended up craft shopping ( a huge present because Paul hates craft stores and shopping in general) and then having dinner at ihop. Paul lamented about not having dinner at some fancy restaurant. I thought it was pretty awesome. We were the only ones in there and had delightful stufffed French toast. It was kind of refreshing to not have to try to get a reservation and then deal with shitty service because the place was too busy. I figure we can go someplace nice anytime. And getting to hang out with him is all I really care about anyway.
So this year we planned on ihop. It was awesome. What did you do? -- Post From My iPhone

SALE!

2010-02-13T11:49:00.000-08:00

So I'm having a big ass sale this weekend in my etsy store! 20% of everything except custom orders and shipping!

So if there is something fancy you've been coveting you better get it now!

Plus I heard a rumor that it's I love Zombies Day...how freaking fantastic

In other exciting news, my Zombie Breakfast Diorama was mentioned in the Storque on etsy!

hugs!

My Bloody Valentine Cross Stitch Kit

2010-01-30T12:59:00.000-08:00

I just listed this on Etsy. It's avaliable as a kit or as a pattern . It's pretty simple and could be a one nighter if you could hide somewhere from your SO long enough. I'm not sure you'd want anyone to see you making this.

The River or Why I'm Not At Work Today

2010-01-26T13:09:00.000-08:00

So we live near the river in this tiny resort town. In the summer, its full of sunburnt drunk tourists who invariably end up drowning in a few feet of water. Well, not all of them, but at least one per holiday weekend.

Anyway, as you may know, we've had some crazy storms out here in California for the last week or two. I've been rocking my sweet hot pink Ed Hardy rain boots like crazy!

Our town is known for flooding when the river gets too high. It hasn't flooded here since we moved back from Nashville, but I've been compulsively checking the river levels every hour for the last week. Last night it rose 10 feet in about 6 hours. My boss took pity on me and let me go home on time. Today it stopped raining, but the river is still rising. I called work and they suggested I stay home (!). Paul's on his way back home now. He wanted me to go to the store and get some supplies.

Me: What should I get?

P: get some soup and some donuts

Me: and some chips. What are we going to do with soup?

So this is what I ended up getting.

Yes, I probably can't be trusted to get supplies in the event of an actual emergency. But at least I'll have some champagne. Damn, I should have got some instant coffee.

On my way back home I stopped and took a bunch of pictures. This is the local beach.

I also sent this photo to the local news station as they only show people's stupid weather photos and never air any actual news.

Meanwhile I keep hearing this effed up barking noise from the trees. I'm all "what the hell kind of bird sounds that retarded?"

This kind...I think I pissed him off.

So I left and drove around some more taking more pictures.

I'm not sure if this is some sort of sacrifice pit or a bbq or an abandoned chimney.

This is the river from the pedestrian bridge.

A lot of the houses around here are on stilts. I've always wondered at this lawn furniture set up. This is right down the street from us.

I wonder what that gazebo is nailed down with.

So I'll just be here all day. Eating donuts and drinking champagne (after 5pm of course) and watching the water rise. I think we have an inflatable raft upstairs in case of emergency. Wish me luck!

No more

2010-01-12T12:33:00.001-08:00

So they posted this delightful poster by the time clock at my work. The previous night we got a quiz and handout attached to our paychecks. Privacy issues and stuff. It specifically said ( in addition to not looking up results out of curiosity ) no photographing specimens. Someone must have narc-ed on me. Taking pictures of gross pee to share with you all was the last thing that made my job tolerable.
So this poster went up and I stood there mesmerized trying to decipher the REAL meaning behind it. My feeling is that they are promoting recreational drug use, but only on the weekends. And only if engaged in winter sports But maybe I'm reading too much into it. -- Post From My iPhone

Exorcist Barbie

2009-12-27T17:53:00.000-08:00

One of the barbie's I've been working on forever for my friend Jenny. The fabulous nightgown was custom made by my pal, MiniCouture. I got the bed from angelsgarden0 who is another great barbie person I've met on etsy. This bed was a custom order and she had it made and shipped out in only 2 days! Such a nice lady and the quality is amazing.
Paul got me a sweet pink camera for xmas and these are my first photos with it.

Home alone and I'm freezing my ass off

2009-12-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

So Paul's attending work meetings this week. He's gone until Thursday night super late. I hate being home by myself.

I had all these great plans last night when I got home. Work on Barbies, xmas gifts, be the bad cop to the dogs. It was just too effing cold. I got permission at work to leave on time this week (that means 11pm) so I can do the nightly pokey time thing that's normally Paul's job.

I may have mentioned that I'm not the best driver in the world. It's a 30 minute drive home from work on windy country roads. I kept thinking "black ice...I'm gonna die!" all white knuckled at 10 and 2 the whole way home. Nothing happened and it was almost warm inside when I got here. We have propane heat (and just a wall heater at that) and I'm loath to use it due to the outrageous cost. I did set it to kick on at 60 so the dogs wouldn't be frozen little turds. Our bedroom is usually heated by one of those portable electric heaters. I turned it on when I came in and it said it was 47 degrees. In my house! Never registered more than 54 last night. I even left it on when I was sleeping which I hate because not only do I have weird ass dreams, but my eyes get all dried out and generally I'm just miserable. I slept in a hoodie with a scarf wrapped around my head. I was too cold to do anything but shop last night and I got Paul some super fabulous stuff. I wanted to get him a tshirt made that said " I fucking toad a so!" but then couldn't decide. I did get him one that someone else had designed that said "Freedom 35" and I'm sure he'll like that.

But I didn't get any crafting done because I was too cold and grumpy. I stayed up until 4 am anyway. Sucks.

In other news...I finished the first cross stitch I've done in years! I was inspired by beefranck's song lyric sampler which you can see here. She graciously let me buy the pattern for her hell sampler and I'm freaking so excited to start working on it. Don't be jealous.

This was a custom order for Heather over at CoffinCritters . She wanted a present for her boyfriend who is a pixies fan with no wall space. I immediately thought Pixies lyrics magnet for the fridge. She wanted lighting bolts on it. Here's the preview

and here is the finished magnet

I hope he likes it. It was nice to get back into cross stitch again. It takes a long ass time, but I remembered why I loved it so much.

Box

2009-12-02T12:02:00.000-08:00

So maybe I'm spending too much time on Regretsy, but is it just me, or are there vaginas everywhere?

I was having a terrible day at work on Friday until I saw this artwork on one of the boxes we cart around pee in. Either someone hasn't really seen one, or they've only seen the kind with teeth. Either way, it cheered me right the eff up.

I especially like the fire crotch effect.

Bettie Before and After

2009-11-29T18:57:00.000-08:00

I've been busy working on some custom orders lately. I have some new crap in the works too, don't worry. I'm hoping to get some of that new stuff done and listed in the next week or two, so keep an eye out.
Anyway...this is a Bettie Page Zombie I did for a trade with very nice lady named Suzanne. She wanted a wiggle dress and although I have Barbie clothes coming out of every crack, I really didn't have anything suitable.
Then I found minicouture on etsy. She is so freaking awesome. Not only does she make all these fantastic tiny ass clothes, but they are all sewed by hand. I could never do it in a million years. I felt really guilty getting such a fabulous outfit all bloody and I couldn't bring myself to cut it up at all. She just made me a nightgown for a Regan from the Exorcist zombie that I will have finished soon. I'll keep you posted. If you have a little girl or a big girl in your life that loves Barbie, make sure to check out her shop. The quality is amazing.

Bettie Before. I had to cut her bangs a bit to get them super short.

Bettie after.

Super fun to do. I'm even feeling like I could maybe cut my own bangs now. But maybe that's not such a great plan.

Black Friday

2009-11-27T10:49:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone is having fun shopping and stuff! I get to go to work! I never go out and go shopping anyway. I dislike crowds and getting trampled as a general rule. My EtsyDarkTeam mates and I are having some special deals and sales. So check them out here for a list of participating shops and discounts offered.
All My Pretty Zombie items are 15% off (excluding shipping). Discount will be refunded via Paypal after payment is made.
So get over and get some.
Hugs
Andrea

Red Velvet looks just like murder

2009-11-26T11:43:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

-- Post From My iPhone

I think you dropped this...

2009-11-20T10:38:00.000-08:00

I really really hope that someone just lost their contact lens and didn't detach a retina...

-- Post From My iPhone

Winner!

2009-11-15T21:09:00.000-08:00

So many thanks to all you fun kids who entered...Great haikus, great pet stories...I especially liked signing for a random strangers cases of wine!
You guys totally rule...

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

10
Timestamp: 2009-11-16 05:08:31 UTC

Congratulations vagynafondue!

Thanks again to everyone who entered...we'll do this again soon!

hugs

Come Get Your Cross Stitch On Giveaway!

2009-11-08T20:26:00.001-08:00

You guys know I love you like I love drinking champagne with a straw while watching Trailer Park Boys.

Now that the Halloween madness is over and things are returning to semi normal at work, I figured a new giveaway would make things even more delightful.

I'm so excited about my new cross stitch kits! I haven't had a chance to really promote them yet. All patterns were designed and all animals drawn by me. I even cut the fabric, cut the thread, printed everything out and stuffed them in the plastic bags. Just so you know. I would also like to mention that I have included basic "how to cross stitch" instructions (also written by me) in case you have never done this before. Oh, and with xmas around the corner, these make great gifts for old people that are difficult to shop for.

So here's what you get if you win:

Your choice of any one of my six Mrs.Evils Home for Broken Animals cross stitch kits!
Choose from:

Inside Sammy

El Chupacabra

Zombie Squirrelly

Drunk Elephant with a Broken Trunk

Visible Monkey

Meat Goat

A sweet My Pretty Zombie canvas tote for hauling around your crap

Bunch of promos from my Etsy Dark Side Homies

Probably some parasite pals stuff and maybe some candy. (if you're good)

Whatever else I feel like stuffing in the envelope at the time.

Here's what you have to do:

Go to my etsy store

choose which kit you would like

come back here and post a comment letting me know

that's it!

For extra entries you could:

twitter about this

write me a haiku

tell me a story about your animals

Open the door to your house and yell out my website (katrink, I know you invented this, and I think it's so damn clever)

Take a picture of your spouse/kids/pets/bff holding up a sign that says "Do I Look Pretty?" the more miserable and mortified they look the better.

Please make sure you leave a separate comment for each extra entry to count. Please make sure to leave your email if I can't contact you through blogger or etsy.

Winner will be chosen by random number generator. You have until 9 pm pacific 11/15/2009 to enter. I will announce the winner Monday the 16th whenever I wake up.

Hugs!

vagynafondue's photo entry... now this is pretty

Halloween Night

2009-11-08T11:43:00.001-08:00

After the zombie prom and throwing up all night and well into the next day, I was slightly unenthusiastic about going to San Francisco. We had already bought tickets for a block party on Broadway, had a hotel room, etc. So I sucked it up and tried to sleep it off. We got to out hotel about 8:30 that night. This is (as far as I can tell) the only hotel in SF that still has smoking rooms. We also stayed here for my birthday. I was planning on keeping it on the down low, drink wise.

Getting my zombie on.

I did Paul's makeup first. He was delighted to be so disgusting.

I was especially proud of his faux eyebrow. I made it Thursday night when I got home from work. He wasn't home yet to use for a reference, so I just winged it. Luckily for him, I made it from barbie hair and e6000. If I didn't have all these barbies laying around I would have had to pull out handfuls of hair from the dogs.

Waiting for a cab at the cab stand. About 10 pm. We only had to wait for about 15 minutes. We were already causing a commotion and the crowds were parting for is like we were contagious. Posed for lots of pictures.

And then I saw the Tool Academy! I was totally beside myself to get my picture taking with Tools. I kept telling them how much I loved their show! This was a popular costume theme and I was stoked to see so many guys that knew how to use a flat iron. And a bedazzler.

The streets were packed with drunken lunatics and half naked chicks. There was lots of ass out, but no pasties that I saw. We finally got into a club and had our only drink of the night.

they had decorated with barbie parts. Paul thought it was awesome.

I had brought a ton of business cards with me, but I'm really too shy and anti-social to schmooze much. This was the one chick that I did give it to. She seemed impressed with our makeup.

We took more pictures with tons more people. We posed with Jesus and Michael Myers and I was very disappointed that we didn't end up with one of THOSE on our camera. Damn! Paul wanted to take my picture with Mario and this is me protesting. We left this club shortly thereafter to smoke and find someplace else to hang out.

As a may have mentioned, there were cops EVERYWHERE! I've never seen so many in one place in my life. Cops on foot, on motorcycles, in cars and in those giant cop paddy wagons. I was determined to get my picture taken with some.

I was surprised that they were so accommodating and nice. If I was a cop I would have been to annoyed by all the drunk retarded naked people to pose for pictures. Maybe they thought I was cute? Anyway. This was the highlight of my night and I couldn't stop talking about it..."and then I got my picture taken with COPS!"

Waiting in line. Gave up. Waited in another line. Kept having to show my id to people. Looked nothing like me, but they let me in anyway. Everyplace was too crowded to get a drink. We walked up and down the street. People were just coming unglued when they saw us. Even the homeless people seemed afraid. I have to say I never have felt safer walking around in SF. People either gave us a wide berth or wanted to take pictures with us.

Found another club with no line. This club wasn't included in our wristband package, but their wristbands were the same color so we felt brave enough to try to sneak in. As we were waiting, we heard them calling for contestants for the couples contest. A bouncer told us that we should be up there. We told him we were trying to get in for it. Then he kind of grabbed us and cleared a path for us to the stage. When we got up there, it was packed with naked chicks and their boyfriends. All the guys had some sort of fake penis attachment it seemed. It was very crowded and hot. I looked out at the crowd and got my first twinges of a panic attack.

Everything started to get all far away sounding. We got called out fairly early and the crowd and the judges seemed to like us. I was a little woozy. The Judges decided that there had to be a dance off between us and a couple that was dressed like the Red Queen and King from Tim Burtons Alice in Wonderland. I was in a full blown anxiety episode at that point.

They won $250. If we had known the Thriller dance, I'm sure we could have snagged the win. Still, coming in 2nd was much better than the humiliating zombie prom king and queen denial the night before.

After it was over we ran out of the club so I could calm down and breathe.

After that I was pretty much over it. We couldn't get a drink. Too many people. We tried for a good half hour to get a cab, but douchebags kept stealing them. I was pretty much wringing my hands in despair at this point. We walked further away to get away from the crowds and improve our chances. I figured we were too gross and no one was going to pick us up.

Finally someone did. One of the friendliest, happiest cab drivers I ever met. He was wearing a skipper hat and telling us to call him "admiral". I racked my leg on something trying to get in and have a gnarly bruise still, but at least we were on our way back to our room.

We kind of wandered around on the streets by our hotel. Couldn't find any bars, but lots of massage parlors. Got some champagne and Pineapple juice (Paul's idea, not mine) at a liquor store.
I so wanted some cake!

But of course bakeries aren't open in the middle of the night.

Went back to the room, took a shower and watched the Shining.
Can't wait for next year!

Bones

2009-11-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

Shannon's husband Paddy asked me to make him a bone clip for his hair. It seemed like a simple enough request. I made him one in time for my birthday party and he rocked it all night.

Last month I thought I would revamp them and sell them on etsy. I sold like 9 of them. Everytime I got the email from etsy saying "congratulations!" I would be whispering under my breath "please don't be a bone, please don't be a bone!"

Not that I hate selling stuff. Making bones was getting kind of boring though. And then Paul made me make 4 in one day "just in case". I did end up selling them all. He was right. As usual.

Yesterday I finally got around to checking my stats on craftcult. The dang bone had been in the Storque. Best of all, they used Paddy's photo from my listing. I laughed my ass off and convo'd Shannon to tell her about how famous her husband was.

Now I just need him to tell me what the next big moneymaker will be.

Zombie Prom Pictures

2009-11-03T10:01:00.001-08:00

So I took Friday off work so I could participate in the local Zombie Walk/Zombie Prom. My co- workers were very disappointed that I wasn't going to be there to wear my costume and chase them down the hallways this year. I promised to stop by if we had time, but unfortunately, Lula hurt her neck and we spent all afternoon at the vet's office. (She's currently still doped up from that, but fine)
I spent about an hour each on our make up. I had messed up our clothes the weekend before. Paul kept insisting that he needed more blood.

Shannon and Paddy met us there.

I had no idea we were going to be the only girls there.

mmmm...minty

Every picture of me in my twenties, I was holding a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. In my thirites, I've replaced the drink with my iphone.

That's a severed head that I hollowed out to use as a purse.

We have a photo that looks just like this from our wedding day.

Paddy was a waving zombie.

Zombie Barbie poses

Someone bet Paul that he couldn't lick his own eyeball.

First shot that someone bought for us. Me + hard alcohol= throwing up in the car on the way home.

Zombie love...at least I didn't have to worry about getting make up all over him.

Zombie Prom King contestants. Paddy's still waving. The drag queen on the end in the blue lame won...WTF!

Prom Queen contestants

Shannon and I aghast that the bimbo in the purple dress won sans zombie make up. Oh well, I didn't want to have to dance with the scary drag zombie anyway. WE WERE ROBBED!

The bar owners bought us a shot because we should have won. I should have not drank this.

Bring on the dance party! Shannon told the DJ that it was our 10th wedding anniversary. He claimed we weren't old enough (thanks guy!) but gave us a shout out and we had to slow dance to some shitty country song with some other couple that really was having their anniversary.

I may have been dancing to "my perogative" when I dropped this classic pose. Remember what I said about me and hard alcohol. It's not pretty. We got a cab shortly after this and went home to sleep it off. The best part of the whole night was on the zombie walk when all the zombies attacked a bus that was letting off passengers. No pictures of that unfortunately, and I was laughing my ass off too hard to stay in character.

Halloween night we went to San Francisco. I'll get to that later

My Pretty Zombie Video

2009-10-18T13:24:00.001-07:00

So Paul's messing around with his movie maker program and asks for some zombie pictures.
I, of course, was complaining the whole time.

Me: Can't you make the title on a different page and not over a picture?
Paul: I guess
Me: Can't you change the font? And make it pink? I like Vivaldi.
Paul: No
Me: Look, I can do it on MY computer!
Paul: Good for you. Do you want to do it?

So finally I shut the hell up. Enjoy!

Zombie Killer Pendant Giveaway on Mrs.B's blog!

2009-10-13T00:23:00.000-07:00

You know you want one...Check out Mrs. B's 31 Days of Halloween contest HERE. She is giving away so many cool and fabulous prizes every day this month! And if you are super lucky and awesome, I will be mailing this bad boy to you. Good luck and hugs!

Jenna Before and After

2009-10-11T18:28:00.001-07:00

Sometimes the barbies are really jacked up before I even get my hands on them. I think this was a Belle doll from Beauty and the Beast. I don't know what the eff happened to her hair...yikes! Plus weird yellow eyes.

She turned out very bloody.

I love dangling eyeballs!

If barbies hair is only slightly jacked up, the easiest thing to do is either use a leave in detangler spray (soak completely and comb through) or get wet and condtion with any condtioner and comb through. For serious hair disasters like Jenna's: Boil water and dunk the whole head in!After it's cooled, apply detangler or conditioner and comb through. Boiling solves most bad hair days, but will also remove curls. If you want to restore curls, you can "set" the hair on something round like straws and then pour boiling water over her head. Leave the straws in until hair dries.

Sweet Photo on a Sunday

2009-10-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

MMMM...tasty.

Bring Me The Pain - POE w/ Khela

2009-10-05T11:20:00.001-07:00

I know I'm always going on and on about how great Paul is. So what if I haven't watched a movie, read a book, worked on my crafty-ness, or done just about anything for the last 10 years without guitar noodling in the background? These are things a girl can get used to.

This is the new band he has joined P.O.E
.(youtube won't let me link this so heres the website www.productofenvironment.com)
I've only been able to see them perform once, (insert me whining about having to work nights here) but they were freaking awesome!

They will be playing this Saturday (10/10/09) at the Element Lounge In San Francisco.

I'm feeling blue

2009-10-04T12:20:00.001-07:00

For reals.

-- Post From My iPhone

Etsy Halloween Weeekend Deals!

2009-10-02T22:03:00.001-07:00

Mark your calendars! This coming weekend (2nd-4th October), Etsy’s Dark Side Street Team is participating in Etsy’s Halloween Weekend Deals, and offering fantastic discounts off everything in store- up to 25% off!! To take advantage of these great deals, browse the shops linked below for details of the discounts available in each participating store, then use the discount code “WEEKEND DEALS” in the message to seller box during checkout. Further information is available in each store. Welcome to Etys’s Dark Side, and happy shopping!

♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦

Morphologica	SWStitchery	CustomZombie

NewAgeDolls	Creeplings	AgonysDecay

SyntheticSeductions	Room3Designs	Somnambulant

MrsEvils	Pun kRawk	MonstrousIndustry

SharonHBell	IllustratedInk	WingsOfSin

GoodMourningGlory	BratBoutique	LaughingVixenLounge

	GypsyEye

When Pee Testers Go on Safari

2009-09-30T00:40:00.000-07:00

So my work occasionally takes us on these fun and exciting outings. Well, normally it's baseball games and I would rather get poked in the eye with a stick than sit through one of those things. I'm not good with what they call "participating". When they decided to take us to the local zoo/wildlife preserve/breeding facility, I was slightly more interested. We were able to bring a guest, drive our own car (important so I could bolt out of there if my social anxiety started acting up) and they were serving lunch. So I was like "What the eff? I'll get up early on a Sunday"

But I hate being outside.

But I love pointing.

Paul (calling the Giraffe) : Here Kitty, Kitty!

Me : I don't think it's going to answer.

Paul (totally ignoring me): Kitty, Kitty?

Me: You can't call everything "kitty, kitty". Someone is going to hear you and think you're a crazy person.

Lunch was delightful. I love Cesar salad.

We crammed onto the tour trolley and I attempted to be joyful.

This is more realistic. It was hot as eff and I was starting to get grumpy.

This cheered me up considerably. I was screaming "OMG he's PEEING!" Paul was already taking a picture, bless his heart.

The animals were so used to people driving around in there. This giraffe had his ass nonchalantly planted practically inside the jeep.

After the driving tour, we made our escape. Don't know what this guy is. None of the cages had any information on them. I think some kind of bush baby. Paul thinks a badger.

We stopped and got a sweet tea on the way home and then I squeezed in a nap before doing some Barbie crap. Weekends are too dang short.

Catching up

2009-09-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

Geez...Its been awhile. The weeks after Labor day mean a back log of specimens at work like you would not believe. I haven't even had the time to be disdainful of people still wearing white shoes.

The last two weeks have been kind of a painful blur. Lots of OT and nights with little sleep. I hardly have seen that hot guy that I live with. Been slacking on new crafting, my team jobs, watching gross movies, and responding to my friends calls and emails. I have been keeping up with my complaining though. Don't worry about that.

The highlight at work was weird pee I got sometime last week. I didn't take a picture because it was the smell that was unusual. It smelled delightful. Like putting too much vanilla in chocolate chip cookie dough and eating it out of the bowl delightful. I passed it around and we decided we wanted to track down this person and rub all over them. It wasn't really pee, it was perfume as the test would later show. I still would like to know what brand. It was magical.

(If you haven't seen the movie/read the book "Perfume", I must insist you do so.)

Anyway, one more example of weird things people do. If it is the same color as pee, they think it will pass as pee. It's always meet with some uncertainty though when someone says "OMG smell this!"

I did managed to squeeze in a great b movie called "Hell's Ground". It's a Pakistani Zombie movie and everything I expected it would be and more. We also saw Final Destination in 3d which was awesome and sent me into a panic during the car ride home. Paul teased me relentlessly, of course. I'm plenty scared enough of escalators and car washes already, I don't need to be worried about dying doing those things anymore than I already do. Oh and those moving walk ways, get the eff out. Whats more embarrassing than being a grown ass woman clinging to the railing and then hopping/stumbling like a toddler at the end?

Anyway, I guess that covers everything. I'll try and do something interesting this weekend to talk about.

Hugs!

10 Years ago

2009-09-05T14:04:00.000-07:00

I met Paul for the first time.
It was Labor day weekend 1999. We actually met about a month before online via his personal ad on Love @ AOL.

It was a rough time for me. I was going through an ugly divorce from my douche bag soon to be ex husband. My BFF and I went to the county fair to eat a bunch of crap and take pictures in the photo booth like we had since we were 11.
On the way we passed one of those fortune teller huts and decided to have our palms read.
She told me I was going to meet a man who was a musician and into computers. That this was the man I would marry at 27 and be with for the rest of my life.
I was technically still married at the time and called biscuits and gravy on the whole thing.
Then we saw Tom Waits with his family and my BFF swore he was checking me out in my short shorts.

So about a week later I typed in California and Tattoos as my search words on aforementioned dating site. I don't know why. I pretty much just bought make-up and clothes on-line. I had never been in a chat room, IM ed, or answered a personal ad. I didn't even have a computer at home, just in the shop.
Paul's photo came up right away. I was like "damn, this guy is HOT!" so without thinking about it, I wrote him note saying something like:
"Hi! I own a body piercing shop and have lots of tattoos. I also have 2 evil dogs and a soon to be ex-husband. I don't have a scanner, so I can't send you a picture of me (cause this was before digital cameras, ya'll) , but my friends think I'm cute. Oh, and I was on the cover of Tattoo Flash magazine. So write me back if you want"
I never really asked what he thought about my letter. I didn't know how to play it all cool and everything, I was like what the eff, I'll just be myself.
He sent me an instant message a few hours later and I spent the rest of the night online with him, blowing off my friends and their hanging out at the bar plans.

He lived about 6 hours away. We emailed, wrote real letters, and talked on the phone everyday. He was in school at the time, so Labor day weekend was the first chance he had to come up. My Evil Sister drove me to the airport to pick him up. She wanted to check his bag for severed heads as everyone knew that the Internet was how serial killers picked out their next victims.
As we waited, his flight started to empty out. My sister kept pointing at all the fat, balding business men getting off the plane and shouting "Is THAT him?!"
He was almost the last one. I saw him and he had flowers for me and I swear my heart almost stopped. And it was love for real.

This was our wedding day in 2002. I was 27.

My Pretty Pony Pee

2009-08-24T14:26:00.001-07:00

Now that my work kids know I have a blog where I post pictures of pee, they are all anxious to share their weird discoveries with me so I can photograph it. Not that any of them read this. Or at least I hope they don't.
Anyway, this is a joyful discovery from Friday. Notice the fabulous iridescent bubbles. It was also full of swirling glitter. It was passed around and exclaimed over by everyone. The consensus was:
It came from a unicorn.

-- Post From My iPhone

I've been featured!

2009-08-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

I've been so lucky to have had so many interviews lately! the newest is up today on Kate8085' s blog.
Taking this photo was a lot of work believe it or not. As you can see, I've already got a "P" tattooed on my ring finger so I spent about a week agonizing over what word to use...some possibilities:
isotope
anti dope
lost hope
dope hype
you get the idea. It was kind of fun though, like playing hangman or scrabble. Anyway, I decided to go with my first choice and what I would probably actually get tattooed on my knuckles were I so inclined. I love jackalopes.
I made Paul draw it on with eyeliner. He kept freaking out about messing it up. I was like "its eyeliner, it will wash off and you can start over!" I think that's what he was afraid of.

Lula and other stuff that's stressing me out

2009-08-21T03:05:00.001-07:00

I've being feeling all "Meh" lately. Work has been kicking my ass and inviting my bff tendinitis to stay and hang out for awhile. I feel like a crippled old lady when I drag my ass home at night. Paul's been out of town for the last 2 nights. Work crap. Too far to drive to and still get to sleep. I hate being home by myself. I'm usually the bad cop in our dog/parent relationship and they're not at all stoked that Daddys not here. I'm not at all stoked to clean up MORE pee when I get home.
Excessive peeing and drinking are some of the signs of diabetes and how Lula was first diagnosed 3 years ago. After her major dental surgery(18 teeth removed) earlier this year, she hasn't really been the same. Her vision is almost completly gone. She also seems confused and disoriented. Although never the niciest dog under normal circumstances, she lashes out at everything and nothing. We constantly have to break up scary snarling fights between her and Oni.
We took Lula and Lemon to the vet this weekend. Lemon got the last of her shots and Lula got a very expensive fructosimine test which just told us what we already knew. She needed her insulin increased.
Im not sure how I feel about this vet. Anythings better than the local guy, but they sometimes seem like all they're doing is wringing money out of you, and making you feel like a bad pet parent if you feel like YOU can tell when your dog needs an insulin increase. "you need this $100 test to tell for sure" I think I blame them for her mental downturn. I'm sure it's not really their fault, but since the dental, she's getting harder and harder to live with. Now we're cleaning up pee if we're only gone for 2 hours. Sometimes she makes it to the pee pads and somtimes not. I know now which way the house leans.
She's still excited as hell to eat. Still wags her stump all happy when she eventually finds gramma when she comes over.
I wish there was more I could do.

-- Post From My iPhone

Static White Giveaway!

2009-08-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

I love my team mates over at Etsy'sDarkSide more than I love deep fried steak with ranch dressing. And thats a lot of love because the "steak fries" keep me up at night, longing for Nashville.

StaticWhite is having another contest this month! All kinds of cool stuff including an adorable Batling and swag from yours truly.
So if you haven't been there yet, go now.
August Night Walker Giveaway

Zombie Cupcakes

2009-08-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

I know I keep saying I'm going to post pictures from my birthday party and I'm sure some day I will totally get around to it.
I had to have Red Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese frosting. I didn't care how. I even thought about ordering them from the Crumbs bakery in New York until I realized it what it would cost to have those bad boys shipped to California. Holy crap.
So my mom went on a red velvet mission. She had very little success. The local cake supply store told her just to add red food coloring to Devils Food cake mix. I thought she was going to have a fit. For Reals.
Anyway, she finally found some mix. I guess it's considered a seasonal holiday thing in these parts.
I found these awesome cupcake toppers on Etsy. Springmarie is delightful. Not only did she agree to make me 60 of these bad boys, but she had them done and sent out in only a day or two. I think she said she made her husband help her put them all together at which point I reminded Paul how lucky he was that he only had to occasionally hack off Barbie heads. I never make him do any REAL crafting!
So yesterday she sent me a video of the cupcake toppers that she put on youtube. Its so great I had to share. Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l39TPoWLYI

My mom let Paul eat cupcakes before anyone else, because she likes him the best.

Breakfast Zombie Diorama

2009-08-16T19:10:00.000-07:00

So I've spent months working on this diorama. When I say months, I really mean about 4 weeks. And when I say working, I mean walking by and staring at it all in pieces and then finding something else to do. But I was always thinking and plotting about it so maybe thats why it seemed like it took forever. I named the zombies after 2 of my co workers. i had to ask them first of course, because they're both pretty normal and I wasn't sure how well they would take the idea of zombies eating brains out of severed heads in their likeness. They both seemed flattered. Can't wait to take the photos into work.

Paul walked by and looked at it and went "ewww" so I took that as a good sign.

I wanted to make a homage to the monkey brain eating scene in Faces of Death. It started out pretty small with just the severed heads and then kept getting bigger . I kept saying "well, what if there was some cereal and milk?" And then I needed severed limbs and pools of blood and do-nuts with bloody handprints and a dog with a severed hand in his food dish.

Dang Etsy won't let you post more than 5 pictures so I'm posting the rest here. I'm getting one of those fancy "take pictures of your crap to sell on ebay" photo tents next week, so I'll probably take some better pictures and repost. I hope you like it! Its my new fav.

Random meme

2009-08-11T11:23:00.000-07:00

So Erin tagged me for a random meme. I was hard pressed to think of things you guys don't already know about me as I blab about everything. Obviously I drink champagne out of the bottle with a giant straw. So here goes 7 random facts about mrsevils.

#1 I don't know how to ride a bike.

#2 I have a tattoo that says "Bad Monkey" in Hebrew

#3 If I don't spend hours straightening my hair, its all Rick James and stuff

#4 I love pez

#5 I hate french pedicures

#6 I cried at the end of The Corpse Bride

#7 I received letters from prisoners after being featured in a tattoo magazine.

I think that just about covers everything. My turn!

Tagged!

Jamie

Kate

Maya

Somebody dropped a dime

2009-08-07T20:01:00.001-07:00

I'm often asked about the weirdest thing I've seen in pee. This is the weirdest in awhile. The evil sister that found it said " I didn't know we got tips!"

My first reaction : I hope someone didn't pass that.
My second reaction : I hope they don't need to make a phone call.
And no, this will not eliminate drugs from your pee. It will just make people laugh at you.

-- Post From My iPhone

Madonna and Child Zombie Doll and other Fabulousness!

2009-08-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

So I'm super excited about tons of things this week. On Sunday I finished and listed my Zombie Madonna and Baby Jesus. I'm so happy with how she turned out!

In other more exciting news, Erin over at Somnambulant interviewed me for her blog! If you're not sick of me going on and on about pee yet, check it out here. If you're not already following her blog, then you should be. I'm convinced its the only thing worth reading.

Pauls band played at the Rock It room on Saturday night. Before the show we stopped over at LovedtoDeath's retail store on Haight Street. My late birthday present from Paul? I could pick out anything I wanted (squee!) After milling about and whining for ages because I couldn't decide, I settled on this.

I've been a huge fan of theirs for ages and it was so great to get to meet them in person. Audra and Brennan are delightful. I don't think I could ever own enough of their jewelry.

The show itself was pretty fun, a pretty big crowd. I'm convinced the cider must have been non alcoholic as I had 3 with no effects other than having to struggle continuously with my outfit from having to pee so many times.

Now I've got a long ass work week ahead of me. Anything exciting going on with you guys?

An update

2009-07-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

Just so you guys know...Lula is freakin fine. She's like an old tank. As long as she gets fed she really doesn't give much of a crap about anything else.

So I called my friend Shannon yesterday morning (well, it was noon) to let her know I wasn't dead. She hadn't even listened to her voicemail from me! Even though I had called 3 times at 12:30 am. So now I know who not to call if I'm getting chased by an axe murderer through the woods some night when my car breaks down on my way home from work.

How I spent my Friday Night

2009-07-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

It totally sucked ass. After a particularly grueling week at work, I was looking forward to a light Friday and an early night. Paul was going bowling with some friends from work, so I was thinking I would catch up on my So You Think You Can Dance episodes and maybe squeeze some crafting in. We are super short handed at work. 4 people in my department on Maternity leave, 2 scheduled off, 1 on family leave, and then someone calls in sick and somebody else goes home early and we're totally efffed. Theres only 20 or so of us to start with. Same amount of work, just less people to do it. So I drag my ass out of there at 10:30 and make it home by 11. My arms and hands are killing me and I'm pretty sure my tendinitis is coming back with a vengeance. I send Paul an email while still in my car (to avoid the pokey time chaos) letting him know that I got home safely. I let the dogs and the cat (she runs outside and pees with the dogs then runs back in. Its the weirdest thing I've ever seen) out to pee while I start getting their food ready. I feed Sammy and Oni and Lemon, but Lula hasn't come back in yet and I hear a weird thumping from outside. I go out looking for her and I can hear her, but not see her. She has gotten lost coming back into the house and took a wrong turn and is now stuck between the wall of our bedroom and the hot tub. I didn't take a picture, but I just now drew a diagram on my dear, dear friend paint so yall can get the direness of the situation.

Lula is blind/diabetic/senile/elderly/mildly retarded. Any other dog would back out the way they came in. Not her. She's no quitter. She kept barrelling forward until she was jammed in there like a cork.

After assessing the scene and trying to get her to follow the sound of my voice to back out, I figured I would just get the broom and sort of sweep her out. She wouldn't budge. The space is only 6 inches wide at the widest point so there was no way I could fit back in there. I tried laying on top of the hot tub and scooting her with the broom. No luck. And now shes starting to howl. Its about 11:30. Paul calls. He just got my email. I'm panicking at this point and tell him about the stuck dumb ass.

"did you try scooting her out with a broom?" I guess we think alike.

So he says he's on his way home, but he's two hours away. In the mean time, I'll need to drain the hot tub. By myself. In the dark and its freakin freezing. So I start doing that. In my mind I'm trying to invent some kind of dog lasso so I can at least drag her out by one leg. Maybe if I grease her up some, she'll just pop free? So I dump at least 2 cups of olive oil on her back as much of it as I can reach. I try the broom again. She's howling like crazy and Paul calls back.

"someone said try bacon grease"

I told him I had already tried that. He's laughing his ass off. I don't blame him. I would have too, if I wasn''t the one all wet and freezing.

He's still driving. An hour and forty minutes to go. I start bailing water out of the hot tub with a bucket to make the process go faster. I'm hoping that if I can get it empty, I can move it the 1 and 3/4 inches to get her out.

Its about midnight. The asshole neighbor opens his door and screams "what the hell is going on out here?!" I'm not sure if he meant the wailing dog or the crashing of buckets of water. I say all snotty "sorry, my dog is stuck!" He goes back in and slams the door.

I'm trying to keep her quiet. The water is almost gone and this thing must way at least 800 pounds and its not moving an inch. I'm lying on the corner with my hand jammed down the crack petting her head. I try calling my friend Shannon to see if her and her husband can come and help, but shes not picking up her phone. I'm whispering now, so as not to disturb the asshole..."call me back, I need help!"

Lula starts licking the olive oil off my hand and she's at least being quiet. I run inside and get the peanut butter. It's 12:30. Paul keeps calling me to let me know how much longer it will be before he gets home. So I huddle down on the wet cement on the outside edge and let her lick peanut butter off me for an hour until he gets there. By the time he shows up, I'm totally numb and have just been liberally applying peanut butter to the wall. We try moving it together with no luck. Then he comes up with some crazy plan involving leverage, a board and a furniture dolly.

We're standing on the dolly while he jumps on the board to try and wedge it up. It moves an inch. He tries again and the board snaps but the fat ass has managed to free herself and is just standing there looking at us like WE'RE retarded. God damn, I was so relieved. I put her in the shower and scrubbed all the crap off of both of us. I totally hate peanut butter.

But I did get to watch my show after Paul fell asleep at 3 am. Nice.

It's for a good cause

2009-07-23T00:45:00.000-07:00

So one of my favorite people that I've never met in real life is my dark-side team mate, Erin. Her Etsy shop, Somnambulant, kicks so much ass. She also writes the greatest blog ever.

She is doing Blogathon 2009. She has to blog every half hour for 24 hours. This Saturday! People pledge donations to her charity. Donations of $10 and up get super sweet incentives from her. To read her post about it, her charity and how to donate, click here .

My personal favorite post of hers that made me laugh until I peed a little is this one

Bullying, Chooch and Mommy style

So please check it out. Oh, and here's a picture of a mummified cat.

Danko Jones

2009-07-17T00:35:00.000-07:00

kate8085 and I have a common bond. The love of the Freakin greatest band ever Danko Jones.

If you don't know about Danko, I forgive you. They're Canadian and tour in Europe alot. I was lucky enough to see them in a tiny bar in Nashville in 2005. No one there knew who they were, even though they were headlining. By the time they went on stage, everyone was gone except for us and a couple of people that were too drunk to drive home.

I saw him walking around they bar while the other bands were playing. I swear I squealed. I was so starstruck. Paul teased me relentlessly.

It is to this day, the greatest show I've ever seen in my life. They played like they were playing a huge stadium packed full of screaming topless bitches.

After the show, we wandered around til I got the balls up to ask them to autograph my "Born a Lion" cd. And then Paul took my picture with Danko. I remember he was very sweaty. And polite.

So check them out at http://www.dankojones.com/ . They've got an American release of "Never Too Loud" coming out soon. Of course I buy them from some crazy international site and got it over a year ago. Cause I can't wait for my Danko.

Go on itunes, buy the "We Sweat Blood" album and rock out to "Forget my Name".

Cause thats my jam, bay-buh.

Contest winner Revisited

2009-07-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

So Ruth got her package yesterday and was kind enough to blog about it! Here is the linky link

http://sweetbutnotsours-creations.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-was-winner-over-at-mrs-evils-blog.html

In other news, my eye is still jacked up. I am a sad panda.

My week off and other fun and exciting stories

2009-07-12T11:52:00.000-07:00

So I'm still waiting to gather more pictures up from my birthday party so we'll save that topic for a later post.

But it was awesome and I got totally drunk and threw up well into the next day. Then had to go to the DMV on my actual birthday to get a new picture taken for my license. I'm sure that will be a photo I'll treasure dragging out for the next 8 years or so.

Tuesday night we went to Shannons house for drinks. Instead of bringing Oni (don't forget about the caught on camera peeing incident) she suggested we bring our kitten Lemon Domingo to play with her 3 littermates that Shannon had adopted.

Lemon apparently thinks shes a dog and hid from and hissed at the other cats. She was perfectly content to let the dogs work her over though. We decided that next time we'll take dominos instead of pets. Way more fun.

Wednesday we went to spend the night in SF to see Robin Trower. I got Paul tickets for an anniversary present and managed to find us a hotel in the city that still had smoking rooms. It was very hostel-esque and tiny.

This chair was jammed into a cubby by the nightstand where no one that had legs could sit. Paul suggested that that was where people did their coke.

View out the window...no screens...perfect for jumping from. That is an empty package of vanilla flavored incense. The whole room smelled enough like tea tree oil to gag you.

Deciding where to eat is always an issue for us. In the city, there are so many freaking options, its a thousand times worse. While waiting downstairs for the valet to make sure our car didn't get towed or stolen, I noticed that there was a Moroccan restaurant right next door. I love couscous, Paul hates it. Eventually, proximity won and we got to eat there. The food was awesome...we had 2 "magic drinks" each which consisted of 3 kinds of alcohol and 3 kind of juice, and in my opinion, a whole lot of evil. There was a belly dancer that I thought was way to skinny. She left her business cards in the restroom and I was so amused to find out that they were from Vistaprint. I guess everyone goes there.

After dinner we caught a cab to the Filmore to see the show. I had a scotch and soda. Everyone was very stoned and so old that we looked like young scene kids in comparison (nice).

When the show was over, we went out searching for a taxi. After wandering around for about 20 minutes we decided to walk back to the hotel. Only of course it was farther away then we had thought (because we were drunk) and I was wearing non-sensible shoes. 20 blocks later we finally made it and decided to go drink some more. Once in our room, we could hear loud techno/middle eastern music and Paul insisted that the Moroccan place downstairs was still open and that we should continue drinking "magic drinks".

When we got there, we found out not only was it still open, but it was a hookah bar as well.

I know nothing about hookah, but I freakin love to smoke! We ordered an orange blossom one and some more magic drinks. The bar side had a distinct feel of an opium den, with lots of Japanese kids all looking spent and languishing on the low sofas.

I of course, underestimated the power of the hookah/magic drinks/scotch and soda

took a bunch of drunk bathroom pictures

When I got back from the bathroom...one of the waiters was breakdancing

According to Paul, I totally hate Belinda Carlisle when I'm really drunk. I have no idea why.

So the next morning of course, I'm too hung over to do any of the fun and exciting shopping things that the city has to offer. But I did manage to not puke in the car on the way home.

Friday I got to go to the Dr for what turned out to be pink eye! A delightful way to end my vacation as I am totally freaked out by eyeball stuff and have never used eye drops before. So I've been hiding inside my house since then, with one eye all droopy and swollen looking. I've been telling everyone that Paul did it because I just wouldn't listen. He hates that.

Contest Winner!

2009-07-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

Sorry for slacking guys, but I got all sucked into watching TrueBlood last night and decided to put off posting the winning number...

Congratulations Ruth!

And thanks to everyone for sharing, these were some great ass pee stories and I loved reading all of them!

hugs!

Andrea

Prize Package!

2009-07-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

So tonight at Midnight pacific is the deadline for your pee stories... here is the link to get yours in
http://mrsevils.blogspot.com/2009/06/new-contest.html

and here is a photo of the prize!

In addition to Madge the My Pretty Zombie Doll, the winner will also recieve a parasite pals bento box and eraser, Head Nurse Zombie Pocket Mirror, and promos from

So hurry...you know you want some!

New Contest!

2009-06-30T11:40:00.000-07:00

Lots of super exciting stuff in July: My 7 year wedding anniversary, my 35th birthday, and my 1st anniversary on Etsy! Yay!

Because of all these exciting milestones I decided to have a super awesome new contest!

The winner will receive a package of fabulousness from my dearest teammates Etsydarkteam, probably some parasite pals (because I know how much you guys love that stuff), and Madge, a My Pretty Zombie Doll!

You can see more pictures and read her story here.

Most of you that read this know that my life consists of Zombies and Pee. So I would like to hear some of your good pee stories, because really, how could you ever get tired of that?

Please post your entries here in the comments. Make sure you send me your email address so I can find out where to send her. The winner will be chosen by random number generator on Sunday July 12 at 12 am pacific.
Please try to keep it pg-13 though...my mom reads this!

Good Luck everyone!

Because I know you were dying for pictures of gross pee

2009-06-22T16:38:00.001-07:00

This one has a bug in it

-- Post From My iPhone

This is why we never go anywhere

2009-06-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

So my friend Shannon invited Paul and I over for drinks last night. They have an assload of Dogs also so Paul asked if we could bring Oni.

While taking cute pictures of Oni playing with their Dog Jack, I snapped this fabulous moment for posterity.

Classic.

why kids shouldn't play with hot glue guns

2009-06-15T10:32:00.000-07:00

I've got a matching one on the other hand. Luckily, I've got really icky callouses from opening thousands of pee jars every day, or it would have been worse. I was planning on making new huge bug hair things yesterday too. (sigh) Paul was outside picking up poop when I did this. Somehow, he didn't hear me screaming the eff word over and over again. When he came back inside, his assessment was that we should put butter on it.
Finally stopped hurting...this photo is 24 hours later. I'm a little worried about work today. But at least I can freak people out with it.
Cheering me up from being all blistery...I'm shop of the week on the etsydarkteam myspace! Also showing me some love is my favorite hair flower maker and darling teammate
jammerdesignz who featured me on her blog yesterday. I feel like a zombie princess! You guys are the greatest! Thanks for cheering me up! Hugs!

Just checking in...

2009-06-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile...crazy ass few weeks at work, at home, on the team. I'm freaking exhausted!

Heres an update...

While reading my fabulous teammate Illustratedink's Blog about her super adorable new kitten, I figured I should blog about mine!

This is Lemon Domingo.

My favorite name of all time that I've seen on pee. I tell everyone that if we ever had a baby, thats what we would name it.

Oni is so butthurt about not being the center of attention. This is the first frontal picture of her that I've ever taken. She normally hides as soon as we get the camera out

Lemon is totally sweet. She is not at all afraid of the dogs. She is the new boss around here.

And I finally got to catch up on all my "So you think you can dance" episodes. Oh, how I love that show.

My Birthday

2009-05-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

Its coming up in about a month. I'm going to be 35. I've been practicing saying it for about 8 months now, as in someone asks how old I am and I say " almost 35". I pretty much skipped 34 altogether.

I decided that this year, I wanted to have a huge party. I haven't had any kind of birthday thing since I was 16. In years past, I've mostly spent my birthdays drinking girly drinks out of ceramic pandas in Vegas. But Its really effing hot there in July and I hate flying and traveling and packing and dealing with people.

The most important aspect of my dream party was getting my husbands band to play. They hardly ever play locally and most of my friends/family have never gotten to see how effing great they are.

Finding an appropriate venue was also an issue. Someplace that you can have booze and a band thats not already booked for a wedding on a summer weekend.

And then I realized the best place to have a party is right down the street from my house!

This is pee wee golf...they use the purple dinosaur as a measuring device when it floods here...yes it really does get that high.

Totally beside myself with excitement in planning my zombie cake and ordering a corsage and making a dress to wear. Its going to be awesome!

Nikki and other stuff I did this weekend.

2009-05-25T20:14:00.000-07:00

So First I made Nikki for a trade that I'm doing...I was going to name her Ange, but by the time I was done, she was totally a Nikki.

Yes, she has exposed brains. I totally love her and want to keep her.

Saturday night my friend was competing in a drag contest (the cross dressing kind, not the car kind, that would have been more fun) I did not want to go. Paul did not want to go. Drag queens scare me more than clowns do. Or zombies. Or anything really. But she peer pressured me into going and Paul took pity on me and didn't make me go by myself.

The premise was first you come out as your true gender (when she was up there, they called her a bio-girl, a phrase that amused me for the rest of the night) and answer some questions, then you get made up into the opposite gender, answer some more questions and perform a lip sync. It sounded totally horrifying to me. But I agreed to go, begrudgingly, with a lot of "well if you were REALLY my friend..."

So the thing started at 9pm...I had been working on Nikki all day and at 6, I figured I had time to take a nap. She calls at 6:30, all frantic wanting to borrow some of Pauls punk rock clothes because she had changed her song to the Violent Femmes and needed a new boy look. She also needed her makeup done. I hadn't taken a shower or eaten dinner yet, but I agreed to be at her house in an hour. In my haste, I forgot my real camera, and the pictures I took totally suck. But here they are anyway.

Me and Shannon and Me and Paul...yes, that is a gigantic magnolia attached to my head.

If You can't tell

Its a gigantic man wearing a silver tutu and Kiss boots.

She didn't win...although she should have...she was totally the best.

This is her from the back...she had a sweet faux hawk as a dude. I think I should be able to skip it next year.

Super Awesome Maneki Neko Giveaway!

2009-05-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

I so love my team mates at the Dark Side. So much so that I'm willing to share this awesome contest that StaticWhite is having on her blog! All you have to do is visit her shop on Etsy and leave a comment here about what you would like to see more of. Her Maneki Nekos are freaking awesome and I just so happen to have a photo of me rocking one.

I love Lucky cats too...here is a picture of my collection.

I have a problem yes...my evil sister keeps buying me ones that are good for fertility. Yikes!