Wednesday, September 30, 2009

When Pee Testers Go on Safari

So my work occasionally takes us on these fun and exciting outings. Well, normally it's baseball games and I would rather get poked in the eye with a stick than sit through one of those things. I'm not good with what they call "participating". When they decided to take us to the local zoo/wildlife preserve/breeding facility, I was slightly more interested. We were able to bring a guest, drive our own car (important so I could bolt out of there if my social anxiety started acting up) and they were serving lunch. So I was like "What the eff? I'll get up early on a Sunday"

But I hate being outside.

But I love pointing.

Paul (calling the Giraffe) : Here Kitty, Kitty!
Me : I don't think it's going to answer.
Paul (totally ignoring me): Kitty, Kitty?
Me: You can't call everything "kitty, kitty". Someone is going to hear you and think you're a crazy person.
Lunch was delightful. I love Cesar salad.

We crammed onto the tour trolley and I attempted to be joyful.

This is more realistic. It was hot as eff and I was starting to get grumpy.
This cheered me up considerably. I was screaming "OMG he's PEEING!" Paul was already taking a picture, bless his heart.
The animals were so used to people driving around in there. This giraffe had his ass nonchalantly planted practically inside the jeep.

After the driving tour, we made our escape. Don't know what this guy is. None of the cages had any information on them. I think some kind of bush baby. Paul thinks a badger.
We stopped and got a sweet tea on the way home and then I squeezed in a nap before doing some Barbie crap. Weekends are too dang short.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Catching up

Geez...Its been awhile. The weeks after Labor day mean a back log of specimens at work like you would not believe. I haven't even had the time to be disdainful of people still wearing white shoes.

The last two weeks have been kind of a painful blur. Lots of OT and nights with little sleep. I hardly have seen that hot guy that I live with. Been slacking on new crafting, my team jobs, watching gross movies, and responding to my friends calls and emails. I have been keeping up with my complaining though. Don't worry about that.

The highlight at work was weird pee I got sometime last week. I didn't take a picture because it was the smell that was unusual. It smelled delightful. Like putting too much vanilla in chocolate chip cookie dough and eating it out of the bowl delightful. I passed it around and we decided we wanted to track down this person and rub all over them. It wasn't really pee, it was perfume as the test would later show. I still would like to know what brand. It was magical.

(If you haven't seen the movie/read the book "Perfume", I must insist you do so.)

Anyway, one more example of weird things people do. If it is the same color as pee, they think it will pass as pee. It's always meet with some uncertainty though when someone says "OMG smell this!"

I did managed to squeeze in a great b movie called "Hell's Ground". It's a Pakistani Zombie movie and everything I expected it would be and more. We also saw Final Destination in 3d which was awesome and sent me into a panic during the car ride home. Paul teased me relentlessly, of course. I'm plenty scared enough of escalators and car washes already, I don't need to be worried about dying doing those things anymore than I already do. Oh and those moving walk ways, get the eff out. Whats more embarrassing than being a grown ass woman clinging to the railing and then hopping/stumbling like a toddler at the end?

Anyway, I guess that covers everything. I'll try and do something interesting this weekend to talk about.


Saturday, September 5, 2009

10 Years ago

I met Paul for the first time.
It was Labor day weekend 1999. We actually met about a month before online via his personal ad on Love @ AOL.

It was a rough time for me. I was going through an ugly divorce from my douche bag soon to be ex husband. My BFF and I went to the county fair to eat a bunch of crap and take pictures in the photo booth like we had since we were 11.
On the way we passed one of those fortune teller huts and decided to have our palms read.
She told me I was going to meet a man who was a musician and into computers. That this was the man I would marry at 27 and be with for the rest of my life.
I was technically still married at the time and called biscuits and gravy on the whole thing.
Then we saw Tom Waits with his family and my BFF swore he was checking me out in my short shorts.

So about a week later I typed in California and Tattoos as my search words on aforementioned dating site. I don't know why. I pretty much just bought make-up and clothes on-line. I had never been in a chat room, IM ed, or answered a personal ad. I didn't even have a computer at home, just in the shop.
Paul's photo came up right away. I was like "damn, this guy is HOT!" so without thinking about it, I wrote him note saying something like:
"Hi! I own a body piercing shop and have lots of tattoos. I also have 2 evil dogs and a soon to be ex-husband. I don't have a scanner, so I can't send you a picture of me (cause this was before digital cameras, ya'll) , but my friends think I'm cute. Oh, and I was on the cover of Tattoo Flash magazine. So write me back if you want"
I never really asked what he thought about my letter. I didn't know how to play it all cool and everything, I was like what the eff, I'll just be myself.
He sent me an instant message a few hours later and I spent the rest of the night online with him, blowing off my friends and their hanging out at the bar plans.

He lived about 6 hours away. We emailed, wrote real letters, and talked on the phone everyday. He was in school at the time, so Labor day weekend was the first chance he had to come up. My Evil Sister drove me to the airport to pick him up. She wanted to check his bag for severed heads as everyone knew that the Internet was how serial killers picked out their next victims.
As we waited, his flight started to empty out. My sister kept pointing at all the fat, balding business men getting off the plane and shouting "Is THAT him?!"
He was almost the last one. I saw him and he had flowers for me and I swear my heart almost stopped. And it was love for real.

This was our wedding day in 2002. I was 27.