Thursday, April 23, 2009

Zombie Killer Giveaway!

Because I'm feeling all tired and crappy from working and my arm is about to fall the eff off from opening too many jars of pee in the last few weeks, I need some cheering up!
What better way to do that with a contest!
I love haiku almost as much as I love zombies.
Heres the deal you write a it in the comments on my blog right here.
I will pick my favorite and that lucky someone will get a zombie killer pendant.
I will decide the winner on Thursday 4/30.
Any subject matter as long as its in the 3 line 5 syllable, 7 syllable, 5 syllable format
get to it!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Piles of Severed Zombie Hands!

More Zombie Killer Pendants avaliable! New background colors: white pearl, blue, pink, purple, and silver glitter.


This is kind of how it was at my sisters house...there were cupcakes

Her dog hates me

I refuse to drink Andres, even in a Mimosa. Luckily I brought my own champagne. My mom made me try some that was from Argentina. It was terrible.
I guess that covers everything.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Work Haikus

Although I've had this job for years...and I do the same thing every damn day, (with only slight variations in the amount of urine I handle) its never boring. I'm so busy that the night goes by pretty quickly and I really only have time to reflect on the days events when I'm driving. I try not to write haikus at night when I'm coming home, for some reason, its harder to count in the dark. Mostly its when I'm chainsmoking and drinking coffee before I clock in. Or when I'm chainsmoking on my break or at lunch.

Here is the newest...

Today I found a

cockroach leg in someones pee.

How did it get there?

Not work related, but reflected my morning

Oni drank coffee

It was my second cup I

hope she doesn't die

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Zombie Killer Pendant


I have too many barbies....sacrifices had to be made. I will soon have even more headless extremity -less barbie torsos laying around. That will be a different project.

So not only are these totally awesome, but I also believe they are good luck as I have only been getting good news while wearing mine.

I had wanted to put fabric as the background, but as I suck at cutting in a straight line, it looked like doody. So I painted them instead. I used a sparkley pigment and layers of sealant so they kind of look like abalone.

While waiting for these to dry this weekend, I was working on a new zombie. This is the conversation that Paul and I had:

Me: You know Livor Mortis, right?
Paul (making a sandwich) What?
Me: its when you die and all the blood settles to the lowest portion of your body
Paul: yeah
Me: What color do you think it is?
Paul: What?
Me: I you think its red, or purple or purple red, or blue?
Paul: Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you know?
Granted a do watch a lot of what Paul calls "murder" on TV, but those are mostly reenactments.
I tried looking it up on Wikipedia, but no photos. After wading through tons of a band called Lividity's photos, I found one tiny picture.
It looks mostly red to me.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

My Job In Real Life

So some of you know that this is what I do at my day job...I'm the night supervisor in a toxicology lab....I test pee for drugs. I spend half the day pouring from bigger jars into little tiny cups to run on a giant analyzer.
this is where you don't want to stick your face.

end of the night...these are all full of pee

These are the evil sisters. They're like the kids I never had. I had to tell them to stop hitting each other long enough to take this picture. They ask me important non work related questions like " Is a barracuda a snake or a fish?" and "why can't pregnant people drink coffee or dye their hair?" They draw me weird pictures on post its.
One of them was also the inspiration for this Work Haiku
She says "Is this poop?"
I won't look in specimens
I say "go ask Mike"
I was hoping to get some pictures of some really icky pee, but of course on the day I bring my camera, I didn't really see any. Plus I didn't want to touch my camera with dirty gloves...eeww.