Road trip day four

July 8
Woke up 10:30. Check out time is 11. I hate rushing to get ready. Especially with my pain in the ass (I mean fabulous) new hair. I decided to rock Pocahontas braids and just be done with it.
Got all our crap packed up and dragged out to the car. I was longing wistfully for the buffet which was a vice I picked up in Nashville. Paul was still full from his chili cheese omlette from the night before. Starbucks again. There was one in the hotel. Paul went on a rant about how non freestanding starbucks employees are the biggest dicks on the planet. He's always like that before coffee.
Went and sat outside in the boiling heat to drink our coffee and smoke. Found a modestly shady patch in the direct path of the bellboys and killed about 30 minutes.
Our plan was to see the bodies exhibit and then head back to LA to stay another night at Josh's.
I still had a $20 voucher from the night before that I wanted to lose in a $1 slot machine. Took about 35 seconds.
Went upstairs to see the bodies. No photography, of course, but they did take your picture in front of a green screen before you went in. In my mind I was imagining all the fabulous scenes that they could put behind us. Buildings on fire getting chased by people with no skin...I was totally excited about it.
Got into the exhibit. Met by a lady in a lab coat who explained that all the exhibits were REAL! Paul (who is a total teachers pet know it all in these situations) asked her why the sign said there were APPROXIMATELY 206 bones in the human body. The lady got all flustered and started saying something about infants and their unfused skulls. Then admitted that she didn't know and would go ask someone. He totally loves doing things like this to people and was smiling all gleefully. I totally forgot about it until she chased us down in the next room and explained that some people have more bones in their tailbones than others. Then Paul started in with his "oh that's when people are born with tails" story. He's insisted for years that he himself was born with one and that his mom had it cut off and I should just ask her.
I just rolled my eyes and stopped listening.
I've always been a huge fan of plastination. Or taxidermy or embalming or any kind of dead thing preservation. I thought it would be great to be plastinized after I die, but Paul put his foot down and said it was too gross and he didn't want to have to go visit me in a museum somewhere.
So I was expecting to be totally fascinated and stoked on the exhibit. I was a little disappointed. I thought it was a little over produced and sterile. All the informational cards with the displays were basically 5th grade level health class info. Not sure what I was expecting. Maybe more information on the process or how it was developed and perfected. Not just a dumbed down description of the circulatory system. All but two of the full bodies were male and posed in weird sporting positions. Baseball, football, basketball, and darts were all represented. I just couldn't get into it.
Of course I forgot all about our souvenir photo in my cloud of dismay. It could have been fantastic and I'll never know.
Before leaving town, we stopped at the worlds largest gift shop to buy some crap for those people we work with. It was huge and full of fat pasty tourists furiously pawing through Vegas crap. There was tons of swag with pot leaves on it which I thought was weird until Paul pointed out the gigantic "call Dr. Reefer" billboard on the way out of town.
Got on the road to LA. Took an hour detour to get Paul more starbucks. I blogged most of the way. Paul insisted on taking me to the hustler store when we hot to LA. Mostly because I had been bitching and complaint for the better part of 2 days about my lack of a hustler hoodie, hustler juice and photographic evidence of both.
Plus I think I told him my life had no meaning without it.
So being the good husband that he is and not wanting me to die from longing, he took me there.
I figured the best I was going to get was some horrible sequined hoodie thing that I was going to shut up and buy anyway because if all the haranguing. But the only hoodie they had ended up being super cool with horseshoes and swallows. I bought the sweatpants too. So then I had to get a juice. Paul was unenthusiastic about the coffee because it wasn't starbucks, but I told him it might be made by a hot chick with her ass hanging out and that perked him up considerably.
Bur it was a scenester dude. Paul glared at me all resentful. Oh well. All the juice drinks had suggestive names and I think the one I got was called something like "there she blows" or some variation there off. Paul can't remember either. Should have written it down dammit!
Posed for my sassy picture and everything was right with the world!





Went back to Josh's house and I had a glass and a half of champagne and passed out at 12:30. Still the happiest girl in the world.

Ps. I forgot to mention that I did learn via the bodies exhibit that your kidneys are much higher up in your body than I thought they were.
Paul said "of course, that's why you can't punch people there in MMA". Then he kidney punched me.
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